


Needing A Pilot

by Zoe_Dameron



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Captivity, DarkPilot, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Friendship/Love, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Loss, Poe Dameron hurts so pretty, Psychological Torture, Stormpilot, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-05-25 09:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6188542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe_Dameron/pseuds/Zoe_Dameron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being picked up on Jakku, Poe endures the First Order's interrogation until Ren moves him to his meditation room. Ren hopes that by destroying the Light that Poe holds for his old friend Ben Solo, he'll finally be able to destroy the remaining light within himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this fic before I found out that the actor who played Nines (FN-2199/TR-8R/Traitor!!!) in the movie is Chinese, so I apologize for making the character white here. <3

“Ren wants the prisoner”

Poe hadn’t bothered to move at the sound of the interrogation room door opening. Another Stormtrooper. Who cares. His body ached from both the torture and his failure, the latter more visceral than he had ever expected to feel.

His head wound was still fresh enough to bleed, so his vision spun as the guard trooper released his current restraints to make way for the shackles the new Stormtrooper was fastening to his limp wrists. For a moment he entertained the thought of this trooper as a Resistance fighter in disguise, posing as a guard to break him out of this captivity. It’d be close, (it always is with Poe Dameron), but they’d hijack a ship and make it back to the Resistance base with a fresh story of pulling one over on those First Order goons. His pilots loved his stories; they were great for morale. Poe couldn’t help letting a soft sound of amusement leave his throat as the guard led him out the door of the interrogation chamber. The guard prodded him forward with his blaster.

Poe tried to keep the pace with the Stormtrooper as they rounded each harsh corridor. The enthusiastic trooper wasn’t doing him any favors by gripping his arm like Poe could bolt away any second, even though one look at the prisoner would tell anyone he couldn’t. The previous hours had been unkind to him and he didn’t feel cognizant enough to fully understand the situation or where he was being taken. He only knew that Ren wanted him, and that his own body _hurt_. In his daze, Poe wondered if his face looked as bad as it felt.

After what felt like an hour, Poe’s escort dragged him to a stop at a door at the end of a long, empty corridor. Poe’s head lilted to the side and he tried to focus on something, anything before he was roughly pulled into the room.

He couldn’t tell if it was his head wound clouding his vision, but this new area didn’t look like a cell or interrogation room or even anywhere important. The room was cramped, no larger than a personal bunk back on the Resistance base. The light was soft but menacing, like one of the long dusks of Endor. In the middle of the room was a small bench, big enough for only one person to rest on, and lacking in arm rests or backing. The bench appeared to be facing a pedestal against the left wall. Someone had left what appeared to be a gnarled and burnt old helmet on the pedestal. Poe’s eyes scanned the room in confusion before settling on the wall he was being pulled towards. More shackles. These were attached to the ceiling on the far side of the room. Poe’s heart sank.

Poe had the panic attack to thank for the feeling of finally coming back to himself. He had let the Stormtrooper bring him here too easily – how long was he going to be stuck here? Why hadn’t he fought back sooner?

Though he was screaming on the inside, Dameron fought to express the same muddled consciousness he had on their trek to this strange room. The Stormtrooper’s grip was strong. Poe felt the durasteel of the cuffs detach around his left wrist as the Stormtrooper lifted his arm to attach it to the wall. Without thinking, Poe kicked both of his legs out against the trooper, knocked him back against the bench behind him. He lost his balance almost immediately as he tripped backwards over the furniture.

Poe didn’t hesitate – he was up on his feet and out the door within seconds. The corridor felt longer than it had when he was being dragged. He hoped his abused body wouldn’t give out now that he had a chance.

There was no plan beyond ‘don’t let them restrain you again’, and Poe’s escape was short-lived. Two additional Stormtroopers rounded the corner into the long corridor in front of him. He lost his balance and toppled backwards onto his elbows, both of which roared with intense agony. They were upon him almost immediately. Poe thrashed against a painfully sharp combination of boots to the stomach and back, and a shock baton, before finally succumbing to unconsciousness.

\---

Dameron dragged his eyes open for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “This used to be easier”, he thought to himself. Waking on his back on the floor, he gathered his strength to sit up. Poe’s ribs ached from fresh wounds and bruises, and he tried to gently guide himself into a seated position with his back against one of the walls. His hands were cuffed in front of him, and there was a chain connecting his cuffs to the ceiling. Fantastic.

A survey of his surroundings didn’t take long as the room was the same cramped closet filled with weird lighting and simple furniture from earlier. He tested his bonds. There wasn’t enough slack to get him halfway to the door. He noticed there was no Stormtrooper guarding him here. The observation worried him.

After hours alone in the room wondering what would come next, Poe allowed himself to rest. He dread what could possibly come next, why they would move him from an interrogation and torture room into one wholly alien in its purpose, but his body screamed for a respite from the pain. Poe closed his eyes and didn’t dream.

\---

For the second time that day, Poe was startled awake by the sound of a Star Destroyer door whooshing open. Kylo Ren entered the room. Poe tried to choke back his panic, but his fear was obvious, palpable. As the door automatically closed behind him, Kylo stepped forward towards his chained guest. The man was large and imposing on his own, though Poe knew first hand why he should fear what Kylo was and what he was capable of.

He once again struggled to push himself off the floor and into a seated position, his shoulders broad and defiant despite the pain searing through his stomach and chest. Dameron knew his face was bruised and smeared with his own blood, but regardless he felt compelled to hold his head high like he hadn’t been broken hours before.

The two men filled the room with silence for several moments before Kylo crossed the distance between them with a step. Poe tried his best not to flinch but he knew he was only trying to convince himself he wasn’t scared. _Terrified_.  

“I need your help, pilot. Will you help me?” Kylo’s voice was both soft and deep, direct and savage. He crouched down until he was eye-level with his captive.

The question hung in the air. A beat.

Poe shifted his weight and puffed his chest up slightly.

“…Why do you think I would ever help you?” The Resistance’s best and most daring pilot.

Kylo Ren had expected to play this game, though he wasn’t amused.

“Because you have something I need, and you’re going to give it to me”

Poe let out a sharp breath in frustration. “I already gave you the location of the map. Did none of you think to write it down?”

“The map is but a step, Poe Dameron. Only son of Kes Dameron and Shara Bey” Ren let the full weight of their names hit Poe harder than he ever could.

“How the kr--- ” That panic was back. “Okay, sure. You stole that from me too. Mind games” Dameron could feel his heart racing at the mention of his parents. Even worse to hear their names come out of _his_ mouth. He didn’t deserve the words.

“I know them because Ben Solo knew them”

“And how the hell do you know Ben Solo?!” Poe was on the verge of tears. That name was almost equally important to him. Poe thrashed against his restraints, managing only to hurt himself and bring what sounded like a smile to his captor.  

“Hmm”

Kylo Ren stood abruptly. He menaced over Poe, as though he needed the extra height to give his words impact.

“The Supreme Leader is _wise_. He can see the Light that lingers in me. I have tried to kill Ben Solo more times than he deserves, but the Light will not die while it’s still alive in those he cared for”

Poe fought back tears at the repeated mention of his old friend. Ben was like a brother to him.

Another moment fell between them as Kylo seemed to look for the words that came next. He raised his arms to his neck and hesitated only slightly before undoing his helmet. With a soft hiss it unlocked. Kylo Ren set the helmet on the bench and turned back to Poe, crouching once again to meet him at eye-level.

“I must extinguish the call to the Light. The Light that Ben Solo holds for you. That you hold for _each other_. I will end your Light bond by destroying the Light inside of you, so that Ben Solo will finally die”

Before Poe could react, could scream at him through years of resurfaced pain and loss, Kylo Ren raised his right hand and grabbed the pilot by the throat. Poe vowed to himself that he would fight to bring Ben Solo back as he slipped into a familiar unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe spent the first day in the room screaming at the top of his lungs in between fully choked tears.
> 
> The second day, Poe wept softly to himself. 
> 
> Kylo returned on the evening of the third day.

There was no clock in the room, no windows. They were floating through space so a window wouldn’t have been much help, but Poe longed to know the date, the time. Anything to ground him so he could get a handle on his situation. Telling time in space and on different planets was hard enough on its own without the repeated lapses of unconsciousness. Poe approximated that since Jakku, he had spent one full day in the interrogation room and nearly three full days in Kylo’s room, alone. Kylo had turned out the lights as he left, and Poe spent his captivity in complete darkness.

Kylo hadn’t returned since revealing himself to Poe as Ben Solo, _his friend_ , and Poe was glad for it. The horror of the truth had hit him like the explosion of a star, making his chest ache as though his heart had literally broken apart.

\---

Poe spent the first day in the room screaming at the top of his lungs in between fully choked tears. He didn’t care if the sound disturbed anyone, or if he’d get a shock baton to the ear for it. The pain of all the years with Ben, and all the years after his ‘death’, it came flooding back like he was reliving a memory from a day ago.

 

_Ben, reliably, waiting at the bottom of the ladder as Poe disembarked from every flight. He always had a cup of warm Kosh ready for his favorite pilot._

_Late nights after a few too many, and too early mornings when Ben would drag Poe to his favorite spot overlooking the canyon to take in the rise of the suns._

_Evenings spent watching bootleg holovids of the latest films from the Republic, and panicking every time they heard footsteps pass the door; Han had been a reliable supply of their piracy, but Leia was adamantly against her son and his best friend being thieves._

_Poe’s secret flair for art and Ben’s secret flair for anything that made Poe happy. The notebooks full of doodles and sketches they’d trade each time they saw each other, always a new page drawn for the other to enjoy. The last picture Ben drew for Poe was right before he left to train with Luke; “Don’t forget to miss me!” over a self-portrait of Ben making a goofy face next to a cartoon Poe crying._

_“Ben’s… he’s… I’m sorry, he’s not coming back, Poe” That day._

Poe screamed until his lungs refused and his throat was torn. His body ached. No one checked on him. No one even bothered to stop him.

\---

The second day, Poe wept softly to himself. His wrists stung from where he had torn ribbons of skin open the day before, and a few of his ribs cracked and shifted sharply with every exhale. Active interrogation and torture had been better than this. At least it was something, anything. Voices behind masks, demanding he fulfill a purpose. Here, no one or no droid even came to let him relieve himself. Not that it would have mattered, his stomach had been empty for days. Poe bordered on dehydration he but cried all the same.

He wondered if Leia had realized yet what happened to him. There would be no rescue. She couldn’t risk sending anyone to save her best pilot from her own son. Poe understood.

\---

Kylo returned on the evening of the third day. Poe had slept in fits and starts, dictated primarily by how the pain in his body was hitting him at that moment. Time stopped mattering anyway. Poe wondered if Kylo Ren had planned on locking him in here to rot.

The sound of the door opening genuinely startled the pilot, and his eyes struggled to adjust against the light of the corridor, to gain purchase on who had come for him. The imposing silhouette of Kylo Ren greeted him. As the door closed, Poe realized just how little space there was for both of them. The thought of being anywhere near his tormentor hitched his stomach and drove him as far back against the wall as he could manage.

The uncomfortable lights in the room slowly flickered on, emitting a dull, almost fluorescent hum. Kylo Ren wordlessly glanced down at Poe for nearly a full minute, and Poe wondered if he had forgotten leaving him there.

Ren stepped forward, not caring or noticing how Poe jerked away in fear, and took a seat at the bench. He faced the burnt helmet across from him, and leaned forward like he was about to have a private conversation with a ghost.

Poe eyed the exchange cautiously.

“Forgive me, grandfather,” Ren started, slowly, “circumstances dictated these actions. I know that the Sith are not supposed to feel weakness for others, but I… I know what I do here will help me overcome the call to the Light”

He turned softly to look at Poe, his mask obscuring his intentions and demeanor.

Poe tried to make himself small by curling his legs up to his chest and hiding his bound wrists behind them.

Kylo turned back. “With your guidance here… I will finally become worthy in the Supreme Leader’s eyes. I will be able to join you in my rightful place on the Dark Side”

The pilot could feel the atmosphere in the room course with a strange energy as Kylo Ren stared at the charred relic. The air crackled and seemed to burn before clearing sharply as Kylo turned to him and rose to his feet.

“Well, Poe Dameron. Shall we begin?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You may not believe it today, and you may not believe it tomorrow, but one day soon I will help you understand who it is you see hurting you. I am Ben Solo, and I am choosing to cause you pain. I am causing you pain because I enjoy it. Do you understand?”

“You must be thirsty. Would you like something to drink?”

Kylo Ren does not appear to wait for Poe’s answer before walking to a wall just out of Poe’s reach. He opens a panel filled with things Poe can’t quite identify, but when he turns back around he has a small bottle of water for the pilot.

Poe tries to not lick his lips so eagerly, but the last time he had water had been from his own canteen back on Jakku. That was four days ago. He looked up at Kylo with wide eyes, his thirst momentarily overpowering his fear and humiliation.

“W-water”, he chokes out.

Ren stares back at him, unmoving.

Poe knows what he’s waiting for. He makes a soft cry and tries again. “Water… P-p-please”

Sated with this minor victory, Kylo passes the bottle of water to his captive. It takes Poe a few clumsy tries to remove the lid, but when he finally manages he drinks the entire offering. He lays back against the wall and takes deep, exhaustive breaths. Poe knows the relief is only temporary, so he relishes it for as long as he can.

On the other side of the room, Ren has removed his helmet. His long, black hair settled neatly behind his ears. His hands are clenched in fists. Poe wonders if that’s his default stance.

Poe had been thankful for the distance between them, but within seconds Kylo Ren was crowding up next to him again. He grabs the chain above Poe’s head and drags him up by his arms until both men are standing face to face. Poe yelps in pain from the cuffs re-opening cuts in his wrists.

Ren glances down at the fresh blood flowing across his arm. “Tsk tsk, pilot. Was this my Stormtroopers or have you marred yourself?”

He yanks the chain upwards again, and smiles as he could see Poe bite his bottom lip to silence himself from whimpering.

“Look at me, Poe Dameron”, a softer tone.

Poe raises his eyes from the attention he was giving his wrists, and meets Kylo’s stare. Poe was sure his glares were not coming across as defiant as he’d like them to. He hadn’t had the upper hand in a situation for quite a while now.

Kylo moved a few inches away from Poe’s space and relaxed his features. He used both hands to attach a considerable section of the chain to a hook on the ceiling, which forced Poe to stand with his arms tied above his head.

“What do you see when you look at me?”

Poe didn’t hesitate. “A kriffing _monster_!”

Ren straightened his shoulders only briefly before hauling his arm back and punching Poe directly in the sternum.

Reeling from the shock of it, Poe’s eyes grew wide as he tried to recover. He wheezed for a few moments before finally shaking off the worst of the pain. Poe turned to look back at Ren, his eyes a mix of confusion and pain and rage.

“What do you see when you look at me?” His tone hadn’t changed.

“I just told you, you evil piece of—” Another blow, this time to Poe’s face. Ren’s fist against Poe’s nose was enough to daze the man. It didn’t look broken, but blood flowed out of him almost immediately. Poe cried out. He tried to spit the blood away as it ran down his lips.

Kylo tilted his head as he examined the state of his prisoner. He gave the pilot a minute before asking again.

“What do you see when you look at me?”

“Kriffing hell, I don’t know!” He continued to spit away blood from his face. “You’re tall? You wear a lot of black? What is it that you’re—”

Ren jabs him sharply in the ribs and Poe cries out.

“I— I don’t know!” Poe squeezed his eyes shut to choke back tears. “I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say!”

He attacks his stomach now, delivering several focused hits on Dameron before pulling away to watch the pilot recover.

Poe’s head was down and his nose was bleeding directly onto the floor. His entire body wheezed and lurched as he tried to settle himself. Poe figured Kylo was enjoying his whimpers of pain.

Once he felt he had given Dameron enough time to recover, Ren strode back to Poe and grabbed the back of his head by his hair, forcing the man to make eye contact with him. To Poe’s surprise, Ren used his other hand to gently cup Poe’s cheek. Poe flinched but didn’t have the strength to move away.

“You may not believe it today, and you may not believe it tomorrow, but one day soon I will help you understand who it is you see hurting you. I am Ben Solo, and I am choosing to cause you pain. I am causing you pain because I enjoy it. Do you understand?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before continuing.

“The reason your body aches and your own blood covers your face, is because Ben Solo chooses to destroy you. This is my choice, and I choose these actions”

Poe barely has any strength but uses what’s left to reply, barely above a whisper, “…No. Ben… he wouldn’t”

Kylo Ren smiles confidently. “Ben would. He has. And he will continue to”

He reaches up to unhook the slack from the chains and Poe crumples to the floor, folding down around himself. When he recovers, Ren is gone. There is a ration bar and another small bottle of water on the floor in front of him.

Poe is thankful he left the lights on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe spends a second day as Ren's guest.

Poe hurt. He hadn’t even been away from the Resistance a week, but every day seemed to bring him a new way to feel pain, delivered to him by the same person he once considered closest to him in his life.

Part of him knows that what happened to Ben Solo could have happened to any young Jedi; he had heard stories about the Dark Side, and how the allure of absolute power had corrupted so many before him. Underneath the low hum of the dim lighting he tries to think back to when times were good. He tries to figure out when things went wrong, how he could’ve maybe done something to have prevented this.

_There go Poe and Ben again, attached at the hip._

Poe had trusted him. Confided in him. Their entire young lives they had been inseparable. Even when they grew up a bit, stopped playing with toy fighters and started flying real ones, learned about girls and started having outside interests, the two had a friendship that seemed unbreakable.

Ben had been excited to finally become a real Jedi, like his uncle. Poe had been excited right along with him, pushed him to go.

_I’ll write you letters every day! Apparently they won’t be sending post that often, so you’ll probably get a lot of the letters at once. I know, it stinks. If I could fly one to you each day, you know I would. Oh! And don’t forget to fill the pages of our new notebook! I bet there are way cooler things to draw during Jedi training._

Maybe it had been Poe’s fault it all went wrong.

_I’ll miss you, Benji._

He encouraged him to go.

_I’ll miss you more, Poe Poe._

If he hadn’t pushed him away, made it seem like he could live _any_ amount of time without his best friend, maybe… maybe things would be different now.

Poe wondered if Kylo Ren could sense that Poe was thinking about him, or if his timing was just as inconvenient as possible. The pilot had been running back through their memories together for only a few minutes before Ren entered the room. He was holding a small riot baton. Poe felt the lump in his throat grow as he looked up at his captor and swallowed, hard.

Kylo once again waited just inside the room as the door closed. He took several moments to stare at Poe from behind his mask before walking over to the panel on the wall. He retrieved another bottle of water and turned towards Poe.

The tension in the room mounted with each passing second. Despite their power imbalance, this was practically a stand-off.

Poe buckled first, thirst overwhelming him. “M-may I have some water, please?”

He figured it was a preamble to something awful Ren had planned, just like it had been the day before. Unfortunately, he was right. Part of being a successful pilot is noticing patterns, and Poe was the best the Resistance had ever seen.

Dameron tried to drink slowly. He knew Ren was going to do something horrible with that riot baton as soon as he finished. Poe felt like a prey animal at a watering hole – vulnerable.

Once Ren was satisfied that Poe was done, he reached up and removed his mask. To Poe’s surprise, Ren looked crazed, like he hadn’t been sleeping. He was coiled like a spring, long hair matted to his head and neck from frenzied sweat. Poe had never been more scared in his life.

Kylo raised his hand slightly, appearing to control the length of chain holding Poe. He lifted the chain back up to the hook on the ceiling, leaving Poe with his arms above his head and his body exposed.

“I… I have been thinking about you, pilot”, Ren’s head tilted slightly, his eyes licking over the entirety of his captive. Ren’s mouth hung open like he was out of breath, a small grin curling the sides of his mouth as he spoke.

Poe panicked, twisting helplessly in the chains, his feet barely touching the ground. Still, he had to know.

“…Why? Why have you been thinking a—“

“Because I NEED YOU, Poe Dameron! I need this to be over with! Every day you think of _Ben Solo_ is one more day I am held back from my potential”

Poe was crying. He couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed in their encounters. Everything that happened in this room was raw, honest.

“Then just…! I… Why not just kill me then?” he whined. “Why drag this out?”

Ren’s face turned serious, looking at Dameron like he had just said something both insulting and idiotic. He crowded against his captive, practically close enough to touch.

“Are you trying to anger me?” His voice was low but pointed. “If I let you go without first extinguishing our Light, it would be as if I threw a torch into an active volcano. I would never be able to contain it then AND YOU KNOW THAT, DON’T YOU!”

“Ben, please! Stop this! We can just talk abo—”

Kylo smashed the baton into Poe’s right side, sending his entire body swinging with the force of it. Poe cried out.

Ren stepped back and adjusted himself. He took a few deep breaths as Poe slowly re-centered in front of him.

Calmly, he raised the baton up to show his guest. Poe couldn’t tell if this was a model he had never seen before or if the electrical bolts beginning to charge off the length of the weapon were coming _from_ Kylo Ren. He didn’t have time to figure it out.

Ren smiled as he smashed the baton into Poe’s body over and over and over. Poe convulsed for what felt like hours, his eyes rolling back up into his head. His nose began bleeding again. His hands thrashed in the shackles sending trickles of blood down his arms. Kylo didn’t let up until Poe swung limply from his restraints.

Dameron awoke on the floor several hours later. Ren had left another ration bar and small bottle of water for him.

Poe wept softly and prayed Kylo would get what he needed from him soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone on the inside tries to help.

The next few days of Poe Dameron’s life are a haze of pain and confusion. Kylo visits him only once each day, always first providing him a water and moment of acceptance for what’s about to come. When he leaves, he sets out food and a bit more water.

While passionately chatty the first few days Poe has been under his care, Kylo has taken to silently assaulting his former friend. There are always the chains to keep and hold him docile. Poe has noticed that Ren has moved from hitting him with his right hand, back to his left hand. Ben was a lefty.

To kill the long hours of solitude he thinks about Ben a lot. He pictures him back in events he should’ve been part of; the time Poe finally beat Jessika at arm wrestling, the recon mission on Coruscant that went a bit sideways and ended with him and Snap stealing a pair of draft Tauntauns, the first Life Day after Han left. 

Poe didn’t understand why Kylo wouldn’t talk to him now. He started keeping his mask on even as he shocked and pummeled the pilot. The pain seemed pointless. Poe wanted to scream at him that it wasn’t making him love or miss Ben any less. Dameron was eternally loyal, and it would take more than a shattered body to shut him down.

On the fifth day, after several hours spent at the mercy of mental torture and fists, Kylo brought down one blow hard enough to crack Poe’s left clavicle. Poe felt the sharp snap and searing pain shoot through his nerves and he couldn’t help but cry out. In his fog of agony, Poe noticed that Ren had stopped attacking him, going so far as to step backwards and reach one hand out before pulling it back and composing himself. To any casual observer, Kylo had seemed to reach out in concern.

Poe looked up at Ren, confused. He could tell that Ren was unsure of what to do next, his feelings obvious even through his mask. They both stood in silence as the room grew smaller around them.

“Ben… are you…?” Poe stammered.

Kylo responded by straightening his shoulders and motioning his wrist to unhook the chains holding Dameron up. Poe crashed to the ground, wrenching his collarbone and immobilizing himself. Once again, Ren was gone without so much as a word. Poe sighed dejectedly to himself about how their day had ended, even though he could tell something was different now. Inside, he felt a tiny spark of hope for himself. For Ben.

\---

He was asleep when he heard the door open again, far earlier than his regular schedule with Ren. He blinked up in surprise at his guest, and was concerned when he noticed the body of a Stormtrooper, blaster drawn close to his chest. The Stormtrooper seemed agitated and looked down into the hallway several times before closing the door. He holstered his weapon and hurried towards Poe, who flinched backwards at his approach. The trooper knelt down to make eye contact with the prisoner.

“Can you walk?”

Poe stared back, confused at the question.

“Hey man, can you walk? Are you able to stand?”

Poe looked down at his legs. They had taken considerably less torture during his time with Ren, but his midsection had been beaten to one large bruise. Still, he nodded slightly and moved his arms around to one side, trying to find a good angle to lift himself up despite his hands being cuffed together. To his surprise again, the Stormtrooper reached down and appeared to be offering to help him up. Poe accepted his assistance and before he knew it the trooper had freed him from his shackles. He delicately rubbed the sensitive and torn skin around his wrists and looked back up at the Stormtrooper.

“W-what… what are you doing?” Poe sounded terrible but his words were somehow still clear.

The Stormtrooper removed his helmet and leaned in close. Poe didn’t recognize him. He seemed young, maybe early 20s. “This is a rescue. I’m with the Resistance. Are you able to walk?”

Poe thought he was going crazy. The Resistance had come for him? The… _the Resistance had come for him_! He tried to remain as outwardly impassive as possible, but inside his heart was beating out of control.

“I… yeah, I think I can walk. Where are we going? What’s the plan?”

The Stormtrooper’s light blue eyes darted back towards the door a few times. He seemed nervous. Poe completely understood. “We have a, a uh, a supplies freighter. Stole it from the First Order a while back. Refurbished it and docked right under their noses. Now listen,” he turned back to Poe and shifted his stance slightly, “we can’t just march you out of here no big deal. I’m going to have to put cuffs back on you. You have to look like a prisoner, okay?”

Before Poe could respond his arms were pulled forward and a new pair of cuffs were roughly clasped over his sore skin. He hissed at the pain from his fractured collarbone, but the Stormtrooper didn’t seem to notice.

“Alright, the hangar is a long way from here but if we keep up a quick pace we can get there before your guy comes back. Let’s go. Don’t forget to look like you’re still a prisoner. Okay, um… ready”

For the first time in nearly a week, Poe was on his feet and walking. Not only that, but he was leaving that damned room behind him. It took everything he had not to smile as the Stormtrooper lead him forward. _Be sad, Dameron. You’re getting out. Don’t screw this up now._

Poe didn’t recognize anything from when he was led to that room initially. All of the hallways and corridors and electrical wall panels looked the same. Though he was happy to be up on his feet again, it didn’t make the act of walking any easier, and every step was minor agony. The Stormtrooper stayed silent.

Several uncomfortable and tense minutes later, the pilot and his undercover Resistance companion finally reached the hangar. Poe didn’t see the supplies freighter the Stormtrooper had mentioned, but he trusted this kid and continued following his lead. The hangar was full of First Order personnel, from pilots and mechanics all the way up to Imperial officers. The amount of Stormtroopers was staggering. Poe held his breath as they made their way through the crowds, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t be spotted.

The pilot and his rebel companion cleared to a moderately empty area of the hangar, just past the hub of activity. Poe scanned again for the freighter and finally spotted a ship he thought fit the description. He was about to whisper for confirmation from the Stormtrooper, until he felt the grip on his arm release. He stopped moving and looked back to see his escort slowly and purposefully lower himself to the ground to a seated position, with one hand behind his back to prop him up. With his other hand he clicked on his communicator.

“Alert! We have a prisoner who has escaped custody in the main hangar bay! I repeat, alert!”

Poe took a step backward, eyes wide.

“All units please respond to the main hangar! He attacked his escort unit and is trying to make it to a ship to escape!”

“What the – what are you doing?!” Poe choked out through his panic.

The Stormtrooper laughed. “ _Better start running, Resistance scum_ ”

Stumbling backwards, heart racing, Poe turned and ran towards the freighter. Behind him, the Stormtrooper grunted in fake pain, hands gripping his side, as if the beaten and starved pilot could have possibly gotten the upper hand on him.

Summoning the last of his endurance, Poe made it to the far left section of the hangar rounded a corner, past the freighter he assumed, at this point, was a fake. He paused to catch his breath and decide on his next course of action. He could hear the squads of Stormtroopers converging on the area, a few of them shouting directions, others asking generally and out loud if anyone had eyes on the prisoner.

Poe’s entire world spun around him, his breathing growing more erratic. He crouched down to hold his head in his cuffed hands when he heard the door he had considered using open, a new dozen Stormtroopers waiting for him, blasters ready.

“PRISONER! HANDS IN THE AIR! NOW!”

Taking a deep breath, he stood and raised his hands above his head. His face was wet with tears. Within seconds, Stormtroopers had surrounded him and grabbed each of his arms, dragging him forward towards the squad leader. From behind him, a trooper brought his blaster down onto the back of Poe’s head.

Pain, then blackness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is who I am, Dameron. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added both chapters 6 and 7 today!

Ren was waiting in the room when Poe woke up. As Poe dragged himself back to consciousness he could see Ren on the bench in the middle of the room. His elbows were rested on his knees, hands locked together under his chin, leaning forward towards him. Poe wasn’t sure what he was doing while blacked out, but based on Ren’s stance it must have been incredibly interesting. Another thing he wasn’t sure of, was how long he was out. The failed ‘escape’ seemed fresh in his groggy mind, but his limbs didn’t hurt as intensely as they had before the knock to the head. His collarbone didn’t shoot out jagged bolts of pain as he moved. Even his face felt less swollen. Had Ren or someone… _healed_ him? He seated himself on the floor, back against the wall, facing Ren. Poe moved his hands up to rub his face and noticed he was cuffed but no longer chained to the ceiling.

“How… how long was I…?” He struggled to get the words out in his freshly awakened state.

“Did you enjoy your stroll, Dameron? I trust FN-2199 played a convincing rebel; he can assume the role of _scum_ quite well”

Poe looked up at him, no longer interested in the backstory of how he got back into this room. He sighed, resignedly, legs splayed in front of him. Ren seemed confused by Poe’s attitude, clearly expecting a reaction more in line with the emotion he was able to draw from the pilot earlier in their interactions.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Ren removed his mask, placing it on the floor beside him, returning his gaze to the beaten man on the floor.

“Did…” Ren hesitated slightly before continuing, “did General Organa ever tell you about what happened during my training with Luke Skywalker? Did she tell you about the night I took the title of Kylo Ren?” His voice lacked the intensity Poe had seen in the days previous. From their body language they looked like two old soldiers who found a break for friendly conversation. 

The pilot shook his head ‘no’ in response. “She told me… you died there. That Ben was killed by the Knights of Ren. Luke Skywalker managed to escape, but that all the other Jedi in training were slaughtered”

“HA!” Ren’s deep laugh was too big for their space and it unsettled Poe. “So you _do_ know the story?”

“From where I’m sitting, it looks like she took some liberties with word choice, since Ben Solo is sitting in front of me, clearly _not murdered_ ” The fear Poe had felt earlier in his captivity had been replaced with the need to just _understand_ his former friend. If he had to get answers using his infamous sardonic wit, so be it.

Ren smiled at him. “Why do you hold out hope that your friend is still ‘alive’, Dameron? After everything I’ve done, how can you believe Ben Solo would ever return to you?” Poe opened his mouth to respond but Ren cut him off before he had the chance. “When you were in here and I was taking my time with the riot baton, carefully choosing weak points based on injuries I know you sustained growing up… who was that? They are Ben’s memories. I’ve even gotten used to hurting you with both right and left hands. The First Order frowns upon _exclusive_ left handedness, so Ben had to learn to use his right hand, but switching between the two is now as natural as breathing”

“Except Kylo Ren is not Ben! Obviously you share the same _body_. Ben and I… we were close. We loved each other. Ben would never… he’d never do those things”, Poe explained, tightening his lips. A growing glare was slowly replacing his confused brow.

“But Ben _did_ do those things, is doing them, Dameron”, Ren laughed again. “How do you define a man if not by his actions and the sum of his experiences?”

For a moment, Poe looked like he was about to speak but he held his tongue.

Ren reached forward and slapped him, hard, across the face.

“This is who I am, Dameron. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth”

Poe rubbed his cheek where he had been hit and looked up at Ren, anger in his eyes.

Kylo leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs and folding his hands in his lap. As he spoke to Poe his voice became softer, more familiar to Ben’s.

“While I was away at training with Skywa –, _Luke_ … I was miserable. I had left my entire life behind to go train to become something, someone that needed to feel _nothing_. The Dark side may be driven by anger, but for kriff’s sake Dameron, at least it’s _something_. To pull me away from my home, my family, my friends, from…” his eyes darted down briefly before returning to look at Poe. “I couldn’t stand it. I felt powerless. When Snoke started reaching out for me, promising me passion and emotion and _true power_ … compared to the Jedi it was hardly a choice at all”

“But in the end you lost most of what you treasured in your life because of that choice. And you’ve hurt so many innocent people who didn’t deserve to be caught up in your damned emotional struggle!”

“The feelings of others is no concern to me now”

Poe laughed, incredulously. “I refuse to believe that, Ben”

Ren slapped him in the face again, harder this time.

“Ben is dead, Poe”

He laughed harder. “You’re wrong. Ben is just lost. He can still come home. He can always come home”

“Why do you fight me on this, pilot? After everything I’ve done. After what I’ve done to you? You and Ben Solo may have been close, but no friendship can withstand what I am capable of unleashing upon you”

“Stop trying to fool yourself. This isn’t who you are, Ben. You’re better than this” Poe had stopped laughing, had begun to tear up at memories of the Ben he used to know. How perfect and kind he was. How inseparable they were, like brothers. They had shared everything that mattered to them in the world. It shouldn’t have come to this. “I just… Ben, how could you not tell me you felt this way? I could have helped you. Could have flown out to see you and just, I don’t know… _been_ with you?”

Ren hesitated.

“It wouldn’t have mattered. The call to the Dark was too strong. You are not worth giving this up for”

“ _Are_? See! You’re telling me Ben still in there!” Poe jumped at the word, an opening. Kylo had slipped up again. “Give this all up, come home with me. We can get through this, together”

“No. It’s too late now”

“Are you just scared? Scared of what or of who you’d have to face if you came home?”

The air grew thick with electric energy as Ren shot up to his feet, hands again balled into fists, his face painted with anger at the man in front of him.

“ _Scared_?! Pilot, I will show you what it means to be truly scared”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren had all of the words ready, had played these exchanges over in his mind whenever he was away from Poe. He lived off of First Order propaganda and Snoke’s teachings; they kept him driven, always moving towards a goal, hardened. But today, after all of this time trying to convince someone whose words used to lift him up rather than push him forward… He felt doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Things get for real non-con here. I tried to avoid graphic details (because I wouldn't even know how to go about that?), making this more about the power and control rather than the act itself. 
> 
> SORRY, DON'T HATE ME PLEASE. <3

Lunging forward, Ren grabbed Poe by the neck and threw him into the center of the room. Poe’s body crashed down on the bench as his right hip caught a sharp corner of it. He hissed in pain before turning to look back at Kylo, raising his cuffed hands in exaggerated surrender.

“Ben, wait–!” His words were choked off as Ren used the Force to push his head back down. Poe was nearly leaning over the bench, head down, hips in the air as he struggled to obey Kylo while protecting himself.

“I have had _ENOUGH_ of this waste of my time, pilot. You were brought here to serve a purpose, and I am tired of your _resistance_. You will know pain and you will know fear and I will no longer be held back by your damned sentimentality. We could have done this the easy way. Know that _Ben_ is doing this, and that you’ve brought this upon _yourself_ ”

The pilot had lost weight during his captivity, but his pants were still tight enough to hurt as Ren ripped them down his legs. Poe’s eyes widened as the panic and realization of what Ren was going to do immediately crashed into focus.

“Ben! PLEASE! This isn’t you! Benji, don’t!”

Poe’s old nickname for Ben caused Kylo to howl with rage. The room shook with his power as he slammed the pilot’s face into the bench, over and over and over. Poe was still conscious, but dazed. His nose looked broken and his right cheek had swollen up under his eye. As he struggled to gather himself back up, Ren began to work at the clasps on his own pants, drawing them apart for access but still keeping them on.

With a step he was upon Dameron. He placed a hand on himself and the other on Poe’s back as he squared up behind him. Unprepared, Poe was immediately overwhelmed in agony. Kylo Ren tore into him in a rage, digging into his mind to find which movements caused the most pain, and making sure he repeated those.

“You are weak, Poe Dameron. Weak and misguided and your friend left you behind long ago. You are nothing. _Nothing_ ” he hissed, driving himself deeper. Poe cried out in pain. He could feel the wet trickle of blood drip down the back of his thigh as he tried to disassociate himself to be anywhere but in this room. He thought about Yavin IV, home. Thought about the Ben he knew. His cries softened.

“I have watched entire systems fall under the power of the Supreme Leader. He will lead us to a better future” Ren panted, exhausted from his efforts, driven by anger. “The Resistance thinks _feelings_ and the pathetic _Light_ will help them win a war when your beloved General couldn’t even keep her own family safe!”

Kylo Ren had all of the words ready, had played these exchanges over in his mind whenever he was away from Poe. He lived off of First Order propaganda and Snoke’s teachings; they kept him driven, always moving towards a goal, hardened. But today, after all of this time trying to convince someone whose words used to lift him up rather than push him forward… He felt doubt. This wasn’t some person from Ben’s past… this was _Poe Dameron_. Bringing him here was supposed to end the Light in him once and for all, but Ren realized too late that it was doing the exact opposite. The Light within Poe was growing to meet Ben, pushing through his boundaries and walls. It overwhelmed him, wholly. To his own surprise, he let it.

Looking down at the battered body of his friend, limply splayed out in front of him as he repeatedly violated him, eyes sad and distant and wet from tears, Kylo felt disgusted with himself. The Darkness in him resolved to finish, if only to keep up appearances in front of a First Order captive, but the rising sparks of Light were fixated on a feeling of pity for the pilot. Scanning his victim below him again, Ren thought he noticed Poe’s mouth moving slightly, like he was speaking to himself, or repeating something. Kylo slowed his assault and finally stopped, gently. He pulled out and tucked himself away before leaning his head down close to Poe’s.

Softly, he asked “…what?”

Poe’s eyes gently fluttered closed as he summoned the strength to speak louder. “I’m… I’m s-sorry, B-Ben. It’s m-my fault you’re g-gone… I’m sorry”

Ren’s rage had washed away, replaced by a desire to _stop_ , _help_ , _comfort_.

“P– uh!” a slurred, concerned mix of an exclamation and the pilot’s name escaped his mouth, surprising both of them. He reached down to pull Dameron’s pants back up, gently, wincing at the sight of what he’d done to him. With one hand on his right shoulder and the other on the left side of his torso, he slowly guided Poe back up, resting him safely on the floor against the wall.

Ren brushed the sweat-soaked curls away from Poe’s face, Poe’s sad, resigned eyes looking back at him in confusion. Leaning in close, Ren whispered, “You were right, Poe”

He caught one last glimpse of the pilot’s gaze as he pulled away, bringing with him his consciousness with a slight twist of his hand. Ben was there to catch Poe’s body as he fell into a gentle, much-needed sleep. He took a spot on the floor near his friend after he laid him down softly. Raising a gloveless hand to trace his fingers over Dameron’s cheek, he felt the warmth and Light radiate off of him in a way he hadn’t felt since they were young. As they moved from his cheek down his jaw and neck, Ben felt sharp pangs of regret over every bruise or cut along the way. His fault. Kylo Ren was a _monster_.

“Hey, Poe Poe. It’s… it’s been a while, huh?” Ben choked back his own tears, trying to get out words he’d never have the courage to speak in any other situation. “Remember that morning before I left to train with Uncle Luke? We had, heh, of course, been up all night, eating any junk food we could find on base. We took what we could carry, _along with one of mom’s bottles of Corellian whiskey_ , and we trudged up our hill to watch the suns rise over the canyon? Ha ha, we got so drunk that morning. Obviously drunk. Well, I did. You were always worried about what mom thought of you, of course”

This slow rise and fall of Poe’s chest helped ground Ben, keep him present.

“We sat there, sharing swigs off of that bottle, and watched the first sun rise. I knew… I knew that the second sun meant the end of what my life had been up until that point. I’d be gone for so long. I wanted to stay there with you forever, Poe Poe. I think back to that morning a lot. Ha, probably too often, honestly” The gravity of their current situation made itself clearer in Ben’s mind. Life would never be like that again. He had his best friend shackled and unconscious in a dark room in a Star Destroyer.

“When I left, I drew you something. I don’t know if you still have it. Heh. ‘ _Don’t forget to miss me_!’ Over a dumb picture of our dumb faces. Ha ha” Ben was sobbing now, there was nothing to hold it back.

“Thank you, Poe. Thank you for never forgetting to miss me”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to solve the Poe Dameron problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: A couple references to the non-con assault from the last chapter, just an FYI. I should have everything tagged correctly but in case you missed that warning I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable down here in this DarkPilot dumpster. <3

Of all the personal quarters available on the _Finalizer_ , Ren’s was among the nicest. The wallpaper was standard First Order grey, the carpet a short, industrial grade, and a slightly darker shade of grey. The full ‘fresher was standard, but his own. The right side of his living chamber held a modest desk and chair, to the left was a couch with a small shelf full of books and manuals. Though there was plenty of room for a two-person bed in the sleep chamber, no one in the First Order had one, especially not Kylo Ren. If he had bothered to collect personal possessions, he would have had all the room in the world to display them. His sprawling accommodations were sparse, but the area made him feel less _overwhelming_ ; for a man so used to utilizing his imposing figure to overpower and intimidate, getting to be small helped ground him at night.

He also had plenty of room to pace. Like an animal slowly going mad from being caged too long, Kylo paced.

The First Order offered nothing even remotely resembling sick days, but that morning Ren summoned a Stormtrooper to his room to deliver a message: “Tell General Hux there is new intel to review. I will not be leaving my quarters, and that I expect _no one_ to bother me” adding as an afterthought, “…also, send a medical droid to room 881m. Bring the occupant some water and a few ration bars. Have the medical droid report back to me with the occupant’s vitals. And – and a brief holovid of the occupant’s status”

“Very good sir,” the trooper replied, “will there be anything else, Lord Ren?”

“No. That’s… no. That’s all”

With a nod, the Stormtrooper leaves to carry out his orders. Kylo has time now.

Time to solve this Poe Dameron problem. 

Kylo had worn the standard Knights of Ren attire when addressing the Stormtrooper, but within the comfort of his room he changed into a pair of loose black cotton pants and a black tee shirt. Without his helmet his long, dark hair could be unruly, wild.

After pacing for several minutes, Ren took himself to the couch, setting down with his legs crossed, his head in his hands.

The Ren of a little over a week ago had felt so confident about his actions. There was no doubt that the prisoner would succumb to his tactics, and he would finally be free of the Light devouring all he had worked for. What had gone wrong? He had been weak, that he knew for sure. Sure, he hadn’t necessarily _wanted_ to violate the prisoner ( _how barbaric_ , he thought), but Dameron had left him with no choice. The pilot had been repeatedly tortured within an inch of his life and yet he still clung to the spark he carried for Ben Solo.

 _Ben Solo._ Ren hated that name, hated that person.

Ben Solo, the only thing holding him back from truly reaching his potential. Kylo Ren could rule galaxies with pure Darkness guiding him. Without Ben, Kylo Ren could be everything Snoke expected him to be.

Ben Solo, a petulant child who allowed himself to bother with the _needs_ of others. Others who could provide no real value or use beyond _sentimentality_. Ren wanted to wretch at the thought of it.

Ben Solo, son of Leia and Han, two parents who had lov –

_No._

_NO._

Ben Solo, best friend of –

_STOP THIS._

Without realizing it, Kylo had been working his hands into tight fistfuls of hair as he let his mind wander, his ever-present rage simmering just under the surface.

_– Stop._

He didn’t need the rage now. There was no one in the room with him except Ben Solo. If rage could solve the Ben Solo problem, it would have by now.

Ren sat up straight, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. With a clearer mind, he could focus. He could fix this.

_Oh kriff, was that why the Jedi…?_

_…Nevermind._

Poe Dameron. The man he had locked up in his meditation room. His best friend from childhood, probably bleeding all over his carpet. His soft brown eyes likely wet with tears.

Ren felt… bad. Not as bad yesterday, when he looked down at himself and what he was doing to Poe’s limp, broken body… But still, _bad_.

He shook his head, trying to clear out the fog of doubt slowly creeping into his mind.

It didn’t make any sense to him, the way their encounters had unfolded. He had always known the Force was impossible to control, that the user only channeled the energy and redirected it, but this… was this the Balance he had heard stories of?

Luke Skywalker, early in their very limited time training together, had told Ben and the other Padawans about the Force moving to keep the galaxies in a constant harmony. If the scales tipped too far into Darkness, the Light would be there to level it back out.

Had there been too much Darkness in Kylo Ren? Until this moment he didn’t think there was such a thing as _too much_ Darkness. After all, Snoke… Well, the Balance didn’t appear to include Snoke.

The Damerons had raised a Force-sensitive tree in their yard, recovered by Luke, and Poe’s mother. Ben had never known Poe to be Force-sensitive himself, but maybe… a life that close to such a concentration had given him the Force in other ways? When Kylo was at his Darkest with Poe, he could feel the Light rising up to meet –

*bzzzp*

Ren was jolted out of his reflection by a buzz at his door. The medical droid, here with an update.

_Okay, okay. Deep breath._

Composing himself, Ren allowed the droid entry. He was unashamed to be so casually dressed. Most droids don’t gossip.

{{Lord Ren. Medical droid 3-1F reporting to your chambers with an update on subject <NAME UNKNOWN>, occupant of room 881m, additional personal quarters of <NAME REDACTED>}}

“Proceed” he replied, closing the door behind the droid as it wheeled in.

{{Occupant <NAME UNKNOWN> shows vitals within the lower end of the acceptable range. Even considering his unconscious state, <NAME UNKNOWN>’s heart rate is shallow and irregular. Administered a low dosage of adrenal medication to attain acceptable levels. A full body scan of patient <NAME UNKNOWN> shows the fractures in the following bones: clavicle – left, ulna – left, true rib 1 – left, true rib 2 – left, true rib 7 – right, false rib 8 – right, false rib 9 – right. Multiple contusions and lacerations on the rear and front upper, rear and front mid, and rear and front lower torso. Patient <NAME UNKNOWN> shows signs of severe sexual trauma to the –}}

“Stop, stop!” Waving his hands in front of the droid, Ren felt an increasing guilt growing within himself, giving rise to panic. He couldn’t handle this tool coldly reciting his indiscretions back to him. Regaining his composure, he continued, “Is… aside from the sexual trauma, are there any other injuries to report?” The words felt like chalk and ash in his mouth. He’d never felt less powerful during his time with the First Order.

{{Aside from considerable surface bruising, there is nothing further to report on <NAME UNKNOWN>’s condition, Lord Ren}}

“Do you have the holovid I requested?”

{{Affirmative. Compiling holovid footage. Please remove holovid drive from <PORT: F>}}

Ren retrieved the drive from the front F port and walked towards his desk to set it up before pausing briefly to dismiss the droid. “Thank you, 3-1F. That will be all”

He watched the droid leave and waited until he could be sure the door was closed and sealed behind him.

Clicking the drive into place, the holovid roared to life in front of him as he collapsed backwards into a heap in the middle of the room. There was Dameron, unconscious in the same position he had left him in the evening before – laying on his back, legs straight, right hand on his chest, the other at his side. The video was only 32 seconds long, recording the time just before and immediately after the medical droid’s physical examination, but Ren watched it loop for what seemed like hours. He’d study the rise and fall of Poe’s chest with each shallow breath. Admired Poe’s long eyelashes, still as he slept. He forced himself to memorize every cut and bruise he had inflicted on Poe’s face and body, each smear of blood making him wince with regret.

With his curiosity finally sated, Ben resigned himself to what he had to do.

In a perfect world, he could grab Poe and together they’d fly back home to the Resistance. Ben’s parents ( _and Chewie!_ ) would greet him with open arms, lovingly forgiving the years of galactic bloodshed he had inflicted on the First Order’s enemies. They’d all have dinner as a family before Ben and Poe snuck off to their favorite canyon cliff side to lay on their backs in the grass, watching the stars as they caught up on everything that happened during the years Ben had been gone. Snoke would never come after Ben, and the First Order would eventually fade into obscurity, nothing more than a blurb in historical texts.

But the world wasn’t perfect. Kylo Ren knew it. Ben Solo knew it. This world and every other world he had traveled to was hard, sometimes violent, and rarely forgiving. His family would never take him back, and regardless, Snoke would never let him leave. No one in the Resistance would accept him after the things he’d done. Even if he changed, there was literally nowhere he could go.

He could never keep Poe here with him. Poe Dameron, giving up his life as the Resistance’s best fighter to go live on a Star Destroyer? Even if he agreed to do that, for Ben, it wouldn’t be right to ask. Snoke would pick up on Dameron’s Light and try to destroy him.

He couldn’t kill Poe – his Light would be free, unconfined, and would overtake Ren. Ben Solo would be back, but Poe would be gone, permanently. He shuddered at the thought.

The only solution Ben could find was to let his friend go. He’d need help. Poe was feisty but he wasn’t stupid; Ben knew that in Poe’s current physical condition he would never be able to manage an escape on his own.

_Ugh._

_I’m a monster._

Ben thought about the past week and all he had put Poe through, between the beatings, the torture, the assault, the fake escape plan… THE FAKE ESCAPE! That was it! All Ben needed to do was orchestrate a _real_ escape, and it would seem like he wasn’t involved at all. Obviously using FN-2199 again would be a bad choice, considering how uniquely sinister that Stormtrooper was naturally – it was part of why Kylo Ren had chosen him – and Poe would never in a million years trust him again.

Who within the First Order could be gently convinced to defect and spring a high-profile prisoner from a secret room deep within a Star Destroyer base, one owned by a Knight of Ren, no less?

His mind drifted back to Jakku, to the strangely gentle and kind-hearted Stormtrooper Ren had watched secretly choose to not fire a single round at the villagers.

Ben smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FN-2187 is given a special assignment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pictured every other Stormtrooper with a British accent and I have no idea why? I don't even know how to write for an accent. Forgive me.

_“Fresher’s out of hot water again!”_

_“Kriffin’ ‘ell, Five-Five! You know no one cares about your gorgeous hair but you. Save some for the rest of us!”_

_“T’weren’t me! Zed had the last stint!”_

_“Not my fault I take hygiene seriously Kays, you dirty mynock runt!”_

FN-2187 rolled his eyes at the growing rabble, removing the pillow from underneath his head so he could press it against his own face. Barracks 7-S was always loud after the day’s rotation. On one hand, he thought, he was lucky to be part of a squad with high morale. On the other hand, keeping to yourself in this environment was impossible, and FN-2187 longed for serenity and privacy.

“Oi! How’s my favorite gloomy trooper doin’ on this fine evening?” FN-2199, ‘Nines’ as he was called by his peers, was leaning over FN-2187, ‘Eight-Seven’ to his, using both hands to forcibly jostle him out of relaxation.

Eight-Seven shot up, swatting Nines’ hands off his body to get him to stop shaking him. “Knock it off, Nines. You know I hate when you do that”

Nines laughed, mockingly. Nines was _the worst_. “Awww, Eight-Seven just wants to be left alone, guys”

“Yeah, I do. Now is there something you need or are we done here?”

“Ooooooh. Big tough guy all of a sudden. Nice to see you’ve finally moved on from cryin’ ‘bout Slips, though”

Eight-Seven scowled up at Nines. “You know, he was in your squad too. Would it kill you to show a little decency?”

Nines raised his hand to his chin, pretending to think on it. “Hmmm. Probably. Doesn’t sound fun. And if I don’t waste time being sad o’er nothin’, I have more time for special projects from the General and Lord Ren, so…” he grabbed the pillow out of Eight-Seven’s hands and smashed him across the face with it. “So enjoy your pity party, eh?”

“Special projects? What do you mean?” Eight-Seven asked, regaining himself.

Nines grinned. “Oi, word didn’t get ‘round?”

Eight-Seven shook his head no. Even though he hated engaging with Nines, he was still interested in anything that deviated from routine.

Nines looked right, then left. He crouched down to Eight-Seven’s level, like he was sharing a secret. “Ya’see, Lord Ren has this special prisoner. ‘Best pilot in the Resistance’, he tells me”

“–Wait, the one from Jakku? Wasn’t that like, _two weeks ago_? He’s still alive? Why would Lord Ren keep him alive? He already gave up information about the droid…”

“I know, right? Intrigued me, too. Seems like Lord Ren’s really workin’ this guy over. The bastard’s been beat straight to shit. But he wanted me to come in there an’ pretend to spring the guy. Give him some hope before Lord Ren dragged him back to his cell. Ha ha! Can you imagine? ‘ _Oooh, look at me, lowly Resistance scum, thinkin’ I could pull one over on the First Order_ ’, ha! You shoulda seen his face when he figured it out,” Nines was incredibly pleased with himself, adding “It was so beautiful. I wish I could relive that moment over and over”

Stormtroopers was accustomed to violence and general mayhem. Eight-Seven hated all of it, but the idea of torturing the _hope_ out of someone, well…

“You’re a monster, Nines”

“And you’re _weak_ , Eight-Seven”

_“Lights out in 3!”_

The two men glared at each other before Nines finally retreated to his own bunk.

Eight-Seven pulled his pillow close to his chest and tried to think about nothing. Especially not that poor pilot he saw down on Jakku. He closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep.

\---

By 04:58, Eight-Seven joined the rest of his barracks, each standing in front of their respective locker at the foot of their bunk, awaiting that morning’s assignments. By 05:03, troopers began murmuring and looking to each other in confusion; Phasma was never late, did something happen? Should someone go find another officer?

Before they had a chance to nominate a messenger, Phasma appeared in the doorway. The entire barracks snapped to attention.

“FN-2187. Report here”

Eight-Seven’s eyes widened beneath his helmet as he grabbed his blaster and hustled to the front of the room, mild panic developing in his gut. Though he couldn’t see Nines, he could practically feel Nines’ eyeballs licking the back of his neck. He stopped in front of Phasma and saluted.

“Ma’am”

“You have been requested for a special assignment” she said, just to him. “For the rest of you,” raising her voice to address the room, “I will return in 10 with _your_ assignments. At ease”

Eight-Seven kept close as he followed her out of the room.

\---

He hoped it wasn’t like Nines’ assignment. Eight-Seven was a Stormtrooper, but a reluctant one. They had never been able to condition the empathy out of him, so for a while they gave up and stuck him on sanitation duty. Unfortunately for him, Phasma had always insisted that his critical thinking, combat, and firearm skills were exemplary, and that if he could just get over his _one disadvantage_ , he’d be a real asset to the squad and to the First Order. He had been transferred back to her team three days before the incident on Jakku. He wondered now if this ‘assignment’ was actually a punishment for his performance there. Eight-Seven studied his own reflection in Phasma’s armor as they rounded each hallway.

His superior officer came to a stop in front of one of the Finalizer’s war rooms, a conference area used mainly by First Order Generals and those who reported to them.

“Lord Ren is waiting for you inside”, Phasma explained.

Eight-Seven’s heart was beating so hard it felt like it was exploding out of his chest.

Phasma turned to look at him, her shoulders going slack for a moment, catching Eight-Seven off guard. “Eight-Seven. Whatever Lord Ren’s assignment…” she hesitated, “know that you are highly skilled and more capable than most of your peers. See that you return from this in one piece”

She had turned her heels and was out of sight before Eight-Seven finally registered she was being nice to him. _Phasma_ was being _nice_? Oh no, this must be really bad. Gathering up the scraps of his composure, Eight-Seven stepped into the war room.

The room itself was unsurprisingly just as dark as every other room on the Finalizer, save for some very fancy-looking lighting projecting down onto the massive black conference table. Eight-Seven scanned the area before finally finding Kylo Ren standing at the opposite corner, facing him.

“FN… 2187. Thank you for joining me” Ren’s words were measured, calm, and deliberate.

Eight-Seven nodded slightly, before remembering himself and saluting properly. “Of course, Lord Ren. I was told you had as assignment for me?”

“I do, yes” He approached the table, resting his hands on it and leaning forward towards the Stormtrooper. He paused. Eight-Seven tried to push down the thought of how unsettling this whole exchange was.

“…Sir?”

“I need you to guard a prisoner”, he said, pausing again. “From the moment you wake up until the moment you’re relieved of your duties, this prisoner will be under your supervision. He may not leave the room he is being held in. He is very important”

“Sorry sir, did you say he was being held in a _room_? Not the interrogation wing?” Ren’s mask obscured his face but Eight-Seven could tell he was eyeing him, waiting for the point. “…I’m just wondering if there are special requirements for this prisoner that I should be aware of, so I can better prepare to fulfill my duties. Sir”

Another pause from Ren. Eight-Seven had never talked to someone who paused in his speech as much as this guy. “The prisoner is the Resistance pilot we secured back on Jakku. You were part of that mission. We have found his usefulness to extend beyond the recovery of the droid. As such, you will remain posted to monitor and guard him every rotation until I inform you that your services are no longer needed. Is this clear, FN-2187?”

“Yes, Lord Ren”

“The prisoner is located in room 881m. You are to remain stationed inside the room so you can keep your eyes on him. In the event he tries to escape or harm himself in some manner, all standard non-lethal options are available to you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Lord Ren”

“His safety and preservation are your number one priority”

“Yes, Lord Ren”

Ren stared back at Eight-Seven for what felt like an eternity before responding. “Good. Dismissed”

\---

Room 881m was nearly the other side of the Finalizer, but Eight-Seven appreciated the time he had to himself. He played the exchange over and over in his head, trying to pinpoint the angle Ren had on him. The Star Destroyer had dozens of prison cells, interrogation rooms, and holding areas to keep captives in, all of which were more than adequately staffed by specialty Stormtroopers.

This assignment made no sense to Eight-Seven, but he didn’t have to work with Nines and the prisoner might even be quiet, which made it seem more and more appealing by the minute. And he didn’t have to kill anyone. Even better.

In the back of his mind, he hoped he wasn’t going to be part of another psychological game meant to destroy this man.

20 minutes after speaking with Kylo Ren, Eight-Seven arrived at room 881m. He took a deep breath and opened the door to his new assignment.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days between Poe and Finn.

FN-2187’s first thought upon entering the room and turning on the lights, was 'small'. Much smaller than a prison cell or interrogation chamber. His second thought was to remember to scan the room, per his training. Eight-Seven noted the pedestal, pushed to the left corner of the room. He noted a bench situated against the far wall in front of him, two legs resting, sticking out from one of the sides. Looking straight head, he noticed the chain hanging from the ceiling, which disappeared back behind the bench.

“Prisoner, come out from behind there”, he barked, _softly_.

Two manacled hands shot up in surrender from behind the bench.

“Sorry, sorry” the prisoner replied, weakly. His throat had begun to feel the effects of the abuse it had endured, making it hard for him to speak. “I was just… resting my eyes. Sorry”

Eight-Seven craned his neck to see around the bench. The pilot seemed to be having some difficulty coming out from behind the corner. Once he was finally fully visible, standing with his hands still meekly in the air towards FN-2187, the Stormtrooper felt a twinge of pity in his chest.

The pilot looked like he had been dragged behind a speeder, hair disheveled, bruises and traces of the blood that hadn’t been cleaned off covering most of what Eight-Seven could see. He couldn’t think of a scenario when this type of abuse would be warranted.

“Lower your hands, prisoner”

The pilot did as he was told.

“I have been stationed here to watch over you. Don’t try anything. I’ve been authorized to use any means necessary to keep you under control. Don’t forget that” He tried his best to sound mean and serious and scary.

“Are you… does this mean… does this mean B– I mean, _Kylo Ren_ won’t be coming by anymore?” The pilot struggled to get the words out. His throat burned something fierce.

“I wasn’t briefed on his schedule, prisoner. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like some quiet while I work”

“Wait. Wait. One more question”

Eight-Seven sighed. He didn’t expect someone so tortured to be this chatty. “What?”

“Do you have a name?”

“…FN-2187”

“F… what?” the pilot choked out.

“FN-2187. Not that you should have any reason to address me. Now sit down and don’t bother me”

Somewhat defeated, the prisoner took a seat on the floor opposite Eight-Seven.

The rest of their day was spent in silence.

\---

Eight-Seven arrived promptly at 05:00 for his second day with the prisoner. The pilot had been sleeping when he arrived, waking up at the sound of the door opening, then immediately falling back to sleep for another few hours. Eight-Seven kept his eyes trained on the prisoner at all times… which was actually one of his more boring assignments, if he was being honest with himself.

To break up the monotony of standing in one place, holding a gun, watching a man chained to a wall, Eight-Seven let his imagination wander a bit. He thought about Jakku and Starkiller base, hoping there were other planets that existed between the poles of ‘scorching desert wasteland’ and ‘frigid ice weapon’. He thought about the Resistance, and what their bases must look like, what kind of food they ate, if they were allowed to be close with each other. He thought about the pilot, and how drastically his face had been changed since they first brought him on board. He thought about the pilot’s sad brown eyes. He thought about the light specks of blood the prisoner was currently coughing up.

“…Whoa! What! Are you, uh… do you need… are you okay?” Eight-Seven asked, slightly panicking. He wasn’t so much concerned about breaking his ‘tough’ Stormtrooper appearance as he was about keeping alive the person he was tasked with keeping alive. The Resistance pilot kept one hand on his chest while the other gestured that he was getting through it. Eight-Seven felt something inside his mind compel him to help the prisoner. A concern beyond job security. He had experienced a similar feeling back on Jakku…

Eight-Seven hesitated only briefly before walking to the wall console and retrieving a small bottle of water, which he handed to the pilot. He bent down to the prisoner’s level and his hand immediately went to hold his shoulder out of worry, a reflex. The pilot flinched and flashed him a confused look before drinking down the entire bottle. He coughed a few more times, but the bleeding had stopped.

“Wh… why are you helping me?” he finally asked the Stormtrooper that was looming over him in concern.

“…Because it’s the right thing to do?”

The pilot coughed again. “You’re a good man, FN. Thank you”

Eight-Seven was caught off guard by the compliment, not something usually lavished on Stormtroopers. Kind words from Phasma and a Resistance pilot within the past two days? Eight-Seven made a mental note to check the room for a gas leak, as that seemed crazy.

“FN, huh?” Eight-Seven chuckled to himself, “No one’s ever called me that before”

The pilot smiled up at him and Eight-Seven felt the breath in his chest hitch slightly. “Yeah?”

Eight-Seven stood, finally, straightening himself. “I, uh… I should probably… yeah” he said, returning to his post at the door.

The next few hours passed without incident. Eight-Seven kept himself busy just watching the pilot, who had found a semi-comfortable position for himself to lean against a wall, try to stave off boredom. Sometimes the prisoner would raise an arm at the wall in front of him, like he was showing someone a constellation or mapping out the stars for himself. Other times he’d use his fingers to draw invisible shapes along the floor. He’d fiddle with the shackles over his wrists and bat at the chain keeping him tethered to the ceiling.

The pilot had been held here for weeks, had to endure what appeared to be quite brutal torture, yet he still seemed to have fight left in him. Or, at the very least, he wasn’t _broken_.

Eight-Seven thought back to Jakku. He watched this man go up against a Knight of Ren to protect the very same villagers he hadn’t wanted to hurt himself. Did that mean they were… on the same side? The implications of that idea startled Eight-Seven but didn’t _scare_ him. He held on to that feeling, tucking it away in the back of his mind. He had been so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the pilot trying to get his attention.

“FN. Hey!” he coughed out, waving his hands at the trooper.

Eight-Seven turned his head to face him, but remained silent.

“Hey. Hello. Would it be possible to, uh, have a bit more water? I don’t want to get you in trouble and I know you didn’t want me talking to you, I get that. I’m just… really kriffing thirsty”

Surprising both of them, Eight-Seven walked to the wall panel and retrieved two bottles of water for the pilot, who accepted the kind gesture and looked up at the Stormtrooper with a look of genuine appreciation.

“…You can talk to me. If you want” Eight-Seven said, breaking the silence.

“I… _really_?”

Eight-Seven nodded.

“…You’re not like the other Stormtroopers, are you” Not a question, a statement. It was something FN-2187 had always felt, an outsider among his peers, but hearing it from the pilot was strange. He had let his guard down easily, maybe even too easily, with this prisoner. The prisoner seemed like a good man. Eight-Seven wanted to be a good man.

“Probably not, no” he answered, finally.

“Well… good. Guess it’s finally my lucky day” said the pilot, smiling up at FN with a still-healing split lip. Eight-Seven wanted to smile back. He wanted the pilot to see him smiling back. The prisoner adjusted himself to face Eight-Seven as the Stormtrooper returned to his post on the wall. “So. How’d you end up with this gig, FN?”

“I, uh” he took a deep breath before continuing. The prisoner didn’t necessarily need to know about his role on Jakku. “Basically, Lord Ren requested that I come guard you” The name caused the prisoner’s face to fall a bit, and FN assumed it was because of the torture. He would do his best to avoid using the Knight’s name around the pilot in the future.

“How’s the Stormtrooper gig treating you?”

“At _this_ moment? Slightly better than the Resistance pilot gig is treating you”, Eight-Seven responded. They both chuckled to themselves.

“Are you all named FN-number, number, whatever?”

“Some of us. Others are different. Depends on a lot of factors”

“Do you like your name?”

“It’s the only name they ever gave me. I think I had different name before. I was taken from my family as a child. Pretty sure we all were, though no one talks about it”

The prisoner appeared to mull that over in his head, realizing that maybe he wasn’t the only one here against his will. “Do you mind if I call you something else? You’re better than just FN and some numbers. You’re a _person_ ”

Eight-Seven was caught off guard, but he felt himself nodding in agreement.

“Really?” The pilot beamed at him. “We could even go the distance and give you a full nickname. Like, I don’t know… FN, FN… Finn! Is that okay?”

Huh. Finn. It sounded like a person’s name, not a Stormtroopers name. It felt… like dignity. He tried it out, like a new pair of gloves. “Finn. Finnnnn. I like it!” He smiled back at the pilot, realizing immediately that there’s no way any of his facial expressions could be seen under his helmet. “Do you have a name?”

“Poe! Poe Dameron”

“…Good to meet you Poe”

“Good to meet you too, Finn”

The two men spent the rest of the day exchanging stories, Finn of Stormtrooper life and some of the cool stuff he’d found while working sanitation duty, Poe of Resistance life and his love of flying through space.

On his way back to the barracks that evening, Finn thought about Poe and how happy the pilot made him. He grew increasingly more angry at the thought of Poe being _stuck here_ , here on this _damned Star Destroyer_ , never able to fly again, most likely to be executed or tortured until he broke completely. He wanted to help Poe, to break him out so Poe could fly again. The idea raged inside of him, growing like a forest fire. He laid awake in his bunk long after lights out. Finn would help Poe escape. They’d both escape.

Ben fell asleep happy that night.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn learns that Poe is great. He hopes they haven't run out of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when this changed from DarkPilot to StormPilot but here we are. Finn and Poe are just really likable guys to write with each other.
> 
> This chapter is short but I wanted to break it up and get something out. The next part should be today or tomorrow (and it should have a bit more DarkPilot). <3

“Tell me more about the Resistance, Poe”

Finn’s third shift with the pilot had them sitting cross-legged in front of each other, sipping water and sharing ration bars. The Stormtrooper had even snuck his pilot a small piece of bread from mess. Stealing food was an offence worthy of reconditioning, but Finn would have smuggled out a million pieces of bread just to see Poe smile up at him like that again. Poe’s smile made him comfortable enough to remove his helmet, to be vulnerable. Poe told him he was “classically handsome”; Finn had no idea what that meant, but the way Poe bit his own lip afterwards led him to assume it was good. ‘Good’ was a word that crossed his mind a lot when he was with Poe. Poe was good. Finn felt good around him. After a lifetime of cold, darkness, being with Poe made him feel warm and light.

“I think you’d like it, Finn. General Organa doesn’t use the ongoing war as an excuse to let pleasantries and decency slide. She’s amazing, and I genuinely believe you’d get along really well with a lot of the pilots, too. And the food, _my god_ ” Poe closed his eyes and moaned at the idea of it. “I probably shouldn’t even try to explain the food to you. I doubt I’m getting out of here, and the thought of never eating Puffcake again is a worse torture than, well…” He gave the chain a quick tug, laughing to himself.

That damned chain. Those damned cuffs. Finn wanted to fix it all for Poe, but removing his helmet was enough of a risk. If someone walked in and saw him without his helmet, the prisoner free… It’d be bad. For both of them.

Poe saw Finn look down and away from him, his expression turning sad. Poe stopped himself. “Listen, man. I’m… yeah, sorry”

Finn looked back and tilted his head in confusion. “Sorry for what?”

“For being so bleak. For referring to my current state. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to play you or anything. Like I’m trying to win you over in an effort to get out of here. I’ve come to terms with how the rest of my life is likely to play out, but I want you to know that you’ve been the lone bright spot in Force knows how long I’ve been here”

Poe reached both hands out to Finn, palms up. Finn found himself reaching his own hands out to meet him, letting Poe hold him for a few moments. The pilot looked defeated, but sincerely grateful, and he mouthed a soft “ _thank you_ ” before releasing Finn.

The Stormtrooper wanted to keep holding his hands, to let him know that he was going to have Puffcake again, and soon, and they were going to have it _together_ because Finn was going to break them out of there, he just needed the right opportunity, _dammit_ , but –

Finn’s train of thought was cut short by a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. Did he hear footsteps heading their direction? _Kriff_.

“Someone’s coming” he said, gathering up and disposing of the wrappers and empty bottles they had used. Poe didn’t need to be told to slide back against the wall, to look morose. Finn snapped his helmet back into place, grabbed his blaster, and jumped to his post.

Seconds later, the door slid open. It was Kylo Ren, accompanied by another Stormtrooper. Finn could tell it was Nines. A wave of nausea hit him.

Panic.  

Finn’s eyes darted over to where Poe was seated. He looked resigned, almost expressionless. Finn wished he was holding Poe’s hands again.

“FN-2187”

Finn tried to calm his voice. “Yes, Lord Ren?”

Kylo was staring at Poe. “Wait outside with FN-2199 until I call for you”

“Yes, Lord Ren” Finn was surprised at how steady and normal he sounded, considering he was screaming on the inside. He followed Nines out of the room and held his blaster close to his chest, the way a Stormtrooper guard was supposed to.

“… _Nines_ ” he whispered.

FN-2199 turned his head slightly to acknowledge him. “ _Oi?_ ”

“ _What’s the situation? I wasn’t briefed on any changes_ ” Finn tried desperately to sound mildly curious at best. He didn’t know if it was working or not.

“ _Lord Ren needs to get some information from the prisoner. I’m ‘ere to soften him up if he proves… reluctant_ ” Finn could tell Nines was smiling, the sick bastard.

Straightening himself, Finn resolved to do all he could to get them out of there as soon as possible. He hoped that he would still be assigned to guard Poe after today. What if they got what they needed and Ren killed him before he had the chance?

The Stormtroopers stood in silence, guarding the door.

Finn’s heart shattered when Poe started screaming.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo had to take it _all_. It's the only way Poe would be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second half of that short chapter 11!
> 
> TW: Mentions of non-con. Nothing graphic, but figured you should know it comes up again. 
> 
> <3

_“FN-2187”_

_“Yes, Lord Ren?”_

_“Wait outside with FN-2199 until I call for you”_

Poe watched this exchange between Ben and Finn as he slumped back against the wall, defeated. Things had been so good those few days with Finn, and now reality was crashing down around him again.

The name FN-2199, he remembered, was the Stormtrooper who Ren had asked to pretend to break him out. Poe grimaced. If he was here, Ben was probably Kylo.

Kylo Ren, his childhood friend who had tortured and violently raped him until he slipped into unconsciousness. Part of him thought he remembered Ben, but he couldn’t be sure it wasn’t a hallucination from his disassociated state. Poe was confused, upset, sad, but most of all, just _tired_. Talking to Finn, _being with Finn_ , reminded him of home and the Resistance and what it felt like to care again. He wanted to show Finn everything that was important to him, and he had only known this guy – a Stormtrooper! – for _three days_.

Poe used to hope someone would come to rescue him, the Resistance, a rogue First Order soldier, anyone. He probably came close with Finn, but it’d be for the best if the kid didn’t stick his neck out on Poe’s behalf. Finn was better than most people, and Poe wanted him to have a long, happy life. Pilots die young. _Life during wartime_. Poe didn’t want to fight anymore. He looked up at Kylo Ren and exhaled slowly. If Ren was going to end his life, he wanted him to get it over with.

“I’m not here to kill you, Poe” Ben said in hushed tones, raising one hand.

Poe flinched, expecting pain. “…Ben? Is it… are you real?”

“Yeah, Poe. It’s me. I guess you must not have been aware of a lot that happened the last time I was in here”

“I remember _a lot_ , actually” Poe’s hurt, angry tone cut straight through to Ben’s core.

Ben removed his helmet so he could look Poe in the eye as they spoke, hoping his friend could read the sincerity on his face.

“I’m sorry I did that, Poe. I’m sorry about all of this”

Poe hesitated. This could be another trap. He had learned about Kylo Ren’s penchant for psychological torture.

Still, he knew what Kylo Ren wanted, and this was having the opposite effect.

“I… hurt you. And I’ve kept you here, selfishly, and in pain, for weeks. I know you want to think there’s still good in me, and you’d be right about that. But it doesn’t mean there isn’t bad in me too. I’m capable vile things, Poe. I’ve committed atrocities. On a galactic scale, and to _you_ , probably the best friend I’ve ever had in my life”

Poe tried to bite back tears. Ben did too. He couldn’t hide the shame that was radiating off of him.

“The other day, when I… the last time I saw you… something happened, Poe. You have this Light that just… Well, first of all, did you even know about your Light?”

Poe shook his head, confused.

“I couldn’t sense it initially either. I suppose that makes sense. But you do, Poe. Stronger light than I’ve ever felt in a non-Jedi. When I was… _hurting_ you… it overcame me. I had to stop. I had to… fix what I’ve done to you. I’m going to make this right, Poe. I’ve already…" He trailed off.

They hadn’t taken their eyes off of each other.

Ben carefully stepped towards Poe, making a conscious effort to avoid any quick movements that could startle the pilot and cause him distress. Once he was close enough, Ben knelt down in front of Poe. He stayed there, unmoving, for a while. Both letting out sharp breaths, nervous, eyes wide. Carefully, Ben raised his left arm towards Poe, Poe following it as it came to rest on his shoulder. They locked eyes once again as Kylo pulled the pilot towards him. To his surprise, Poe fell into his arms willingly, like he needed to hold Ben just as much as Ben needed to hold him. They stayed there for a moment, each sobbing onto the shoulder of the other one, acknowledging the raw emotion of so many years apart. Ben could feel the Light coursing through Poe, jumping in to chip away at his Darkness before returning to the source.

Ben wanted to stay there forever. With Poe, his best and only friend in the entire galaxy.

He knew it was impossible.

Ben let go first, leaning back slightly to kiss Poe’s forehead before rising back to his feet.

“Poe Poe? I love you. I’ll always love you”

“I love you too, Benji. Always”

“I wish that were true” Ben sighed, dejectedly. “I have to… you won’t remember this. Any of this, any of me. It will keep you safe”

Poe scrambled to his feet in a panic. “Ben – what? What do you mean I won’t remember? That I won’t be safe? Ben –”

“I know you, Poe Dameron. You’ll try to come find me, rescue me from this place. The world out there doesn’t want me. You’ll get yourself killed or worse. You’re so _good_ , Poe. I can’t have you remembering Ben. I’m sorry, but… I’ve made up my mind on this. It’s the only thing that will work. I love you Poe. I love you”

“Ben, no – wait! Don’t!!”

It was too late. Ben raised his hand and Poe felt pain, instantly. Like he was back in the interrogation chair. Worse. Poe lost control of his body and crashed to the floor, landing on his knees before falling to his side. He screamed as Ben raked through his mind looking for memories of himself. He took his time, he was thorough. He knew he needed to get them all.

Poe tried to grab his head, make the agony stop, but he couldn’t even focus his mind to control his limbs as he thrashed on the floor.

Ben searched for and destroyed his own memory within his friend. Part of Poe was desperately trying to fend off his attack on certain memories, fighting back, trying to protect them like a vital system function.

The way they held each other earlier, gone.

He could see how much it meant to Poe, and it crushed him, but he batted away Poe’s defenses easily.

His assault took over an hour. Poe screamed and Ben’s memory faded.

Ben knew FN-2187 could hear Poe’s jagged anguish, the doors weren’t that thick. He also knew this would go a long way into motivating him to get Poe off the Finalizer.

He glanced down at Poe once more, whimpering and curling into himself on the floor, trying to recover.

This would all be over soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ _We’re gonna do this_ ”

Finn barely registered the sound of the door opening, and looked up at Kylo Ren in a daze as he stepped out of the room. The inside of his Stormtrooper helmet was soaked with tears and it took all of his training to regulate his breathing down from rapid, anguished gasps. He couldn’t bring himself to look in on Poe, he couldn’t… not yet.

What Finn desperately wanted to do was to tuck the muzzle of his blaster under Kylo Ren’s helmet and paint this entire corridor red. Wanted to watch Ren’s body fall to the floor while a symphony of viscera exploded out of him. Wanted to wrap his hands around Ren’s neck and squeeze, _squeeze_ until his throat broke and his face turned the shade of blue he deserved to–

“FN-2187”

Finn turned to meet his gaze. Mask to mask. Everyone had to hide in this place. _Conceal yourself, stay alive_.

“I have concluded my session with the prisoner. Return to your post”

“Yes… _Lord Ren_ ” The words felt like acid as they left his mouth. He could tell Nines was watching him, confused at his behavior. Ren absolutely noticed but he maintained his distance, didn’t react. Part of Finn wondered why he wasn’t bearing down on him for his muted insolence. The other part of him found comfort in the idea of using Ren’s own lightsaber to beat him to death.

Finn was reaching for the button on the door to open it when he heard Ren behind him.

“…FN-2199 will be joining you for the rest of today’s shift”

_Kriff. Fuck. Not Nines. No._

_Please, anything but this._

The Stormtrooper didn’t turn to acknowledge Ren’s instruction, instead refocusing on Poe. He was going to see Poe, and Poe was going to be _fine_. He’ll be fine. He had to be fine.

Nines followed him into the room. Finn thought he heard him acknowledge Ren’s instruction on his behalf. Finn didn’t give a shit either way. He was going to see Poe.

And there he was.

Crumpled on the ground, against the far wall. Unconscious but breathing. He checked his pulse, steady. Finn could see his nose was bleeding. Rather, it _had_ been bleeding, as there was blood on his shirt and on the floor that had already begun drying. There was… a _lot_ of blood.

Finn looked his friend over for any other signs of injury, finding none. It had to have been that _kriffing mind probe_. What was he looking for that took an _hour_?

Positioning himself away from Nines’ view, Finn crouched down and ran his fingers through Poe’s soft hair, willing him to wake up.

“Wat’re you doin’ there, mate?”

Finn stood up and returned to his position at the opposite side of the door from Nines. “Checking for a pulse”

Nines was still looking at him. “Why’re you bein’ so daft? What, you sproutin’ _feelin’s_ for this Resistance trash? Can’t you be a normal Stormtrooper for once in your kriffin’ life, shit”

Clenching his jaw, it took everything within Finn not to respond.

_We’re getting out of here._

_You’ll never have to see him again after tonight._

_C’mon Finn. For Poe._

It was another two hours before Poe regained consciousness, with only an hour left in their rotation. Finn had been scrambling to prepare a plan. One that didn’t involve Nines, somehow. Nines, the eternal pain in the ass.

Watching Poe wake up simultaneously broke Finn’s heart and overwhelmed him with joy. He saw the pilot glance over towards the Stormtroopers. Finn waved his left hand slightly, away from Nines, so Poe would know it was him. Catching the signal, he smiled briefly before hiding it to protect them. Finn was beaming ear to ear, but became distracted by Poe’s expression slowly melting into fear. Nines was walking towards him.

_No._

“FN-2199, what are you doing?” he demanded, voice shaking.

No response. Nines was standing in front of a kneeling Poe, who was trying to gain his bearings. Wordlessly, Nines backhanded Poe across the face, knocking him to the floor.

“NINES! WHAT THE KRIFF DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” Finn lunged at him, pulling him away from Poe.

“Oi, get off me! Lord Ren’s orders, you big softie!”

Finn was panicking. “What do you mean, ‘Lord Ren’s orders’?”

The two men jostled against each other for control; Finn trying to keep Nines away from Poe, Nines trying to earn his rightful place as the galaxy’s most violent Stormtrooper.

In a huff, he pushed Finn off of him.

“They’re giving him to the Generals to use. Tomorrow mornin’. They want him _pliable_ , Eight-Seven. _It’s what_ I _do_. Now back the kriff off and let me do my job”

Finn raised his blaster, the aim squarely at Nines’ chest. They both knew a shot from that range wouldn’t miss.

Nines’ voice was low, angry. “The kriff’re you doin’, Eight-Seven? You thinkin’ about puttin’ a shot in me?”

“Only every day since I met you, Nines. Now _back off_ ” Finn had found his calm against Nines. It didn’t shock him this calm involved a blaster in his hands.

Both men waited, held at a stand-still, for what felt like an eternity. Out of nowhere, Nines relaxed his posture, and Finn could hear a chuckle escape his helmet.

“What’m I scared of? You’re Eight-Seven, the Stormtrooper so soft he had to be sent to scrub toilets to harden him up. I doubt you’ve ever shot someone in your life. You’re not going to shoot me” he laughed louder this time.

“You so sure of that?” Finn hadn’t moved. His arms were steady as his aimed his weapon at Nines’ heart.

A beat.

“ _Get fucked_ , Eight-Seven” Nines turned to Poe and took a defiant step forward.

Finn barely registered his own hand as he pulled the trigger, his eyes following the blaster bolt as it arched into Nines’ chest, decimating the surrounding armor and tissue, sending him flying backwards against the wall. He spared only a moment to watch the hole in the former Stormtrooper crackle and fizz as his under armor caught fire.

He turned to Poe and fell to his knees in front of him, grabbing gently at his face to see if he was okay.

“Poe, I… are you okay? I heard screaming, _so much screaming_ , I thought…” a sob caught him, mid-thought.

The pilot nodded and fell into Finn’s arms, both choking with tears.

“…You’re a good man, Finn” Poe dragged the words out through his devastated throat. He sounded like he had spent a lifetime drinking sand.

Finn let Poe’s words soothe his anxiety, let them wash over him like sunlight. He helped Poe to his feet and used his utility lock pick to undo the cuffs around Poe’s wrists. Poe whined at the first freedom he’d had in weeks. The grateful look he gave Finn was like a shot of adrenaline for him.

He grabbed Poe’s shoulders, focusing the pilot’s attention on him.

“Poe, we’re getting out of here. Tonight. Right now. I know you’re hurt, kriff, you look like you’ve been run over by a stampede of piss-angry banthas, but I need to know: can you fly a TIE fighter?”

Gathering his resolve, Poe straightened up and managed to get out the words “I can fly anything”

Finn was so happy he could’ve kissed him. “ _We’re gonna do this_ ”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Escape!!_

As a rule, Ben didn’t like to spare himself much thought regarding his own wellbeing. Snoke had always emphasized that he should embrace his suffering, to let it grow and drive his anger. That he should wear his anger proudly and to never be without it.

His final session with Poe had left him feeling gutted, but not in a way he could turn around and use to his benefit. It was a relatively new sensation, one he had felt more often ever since he had taken control of Dameron. He wanted to be rid of it, the guilt. The idea that his entire life had been one horrible decision after another and that there was absolutely nothing he could do to change any of it.

He wanted to go home and be with Poe. He wanted to find his parents and tell them how much he loved them. He wanted to go back and tell young Ben Solo that Darkness wasn’t the answer.

All impossibilities.

Once Poe was gone, he’d take his Light with him. Ben would be free to let the Dark grow inside of him again, and it would banish these thoughts of regret. He hoped FN-2187 had it in him to help Poe escape.

Reaching his personal quarters, Ben removed his helmet and gloves but didn’t bother changing out of his Knight of Ren attire; tonight was too important and there was so much at risk. There was a very real chance of someone coming to him in case the two were found out, and he didn’t ever want them to see him while he was vulnerable and _human_.

He did his best to settle in on his bed for the evening ahead as he opened the live holofeed he had set up in Poe’s room. As Poe was trying to recover from the mental wipe, Ben had placed a recording device in a far corner. Using the Force to feel around someone’s emotions was one thing, but nothing beat a clear visual.

Ben watched FN-2187’s sly assessment of the damage he had done, waiting with him in shared agony for Poe to finally wake up. He had fed Nines a story about a few Finalizer Generals wanting to use a broken Poe Dameron for their own depravity, and he was pleased to see that Nines believed every word of it. Even more pleased as he watched FN-2187 draw his weapon and make a new hole where Nines’ heart was supposed to be.

Poe kriffing Dameron. People would go to the ends of the earth for him. They’d betray their own upbringing or conditioning or aspirations for a smile from that pilot. The universe was lucky that Ben and Poe ended up on opposite sides of this galactic conflict – together they’d be _unstoppable_.

As FN-2187 rallied Poe for their escape, Ben inched himself to the edge of the bed, leaning forward to better concentrate. To prepare to help them.

_Here we go._

\---

Finn had no actual plan. He wanted to help Poe and he didn’t want either of them to die here, but beyond that, he was drawing a panicked blank.

“Okay… okay, okay… okay… um… we could…?” he glanced around the room looking for inspiration, finding none. His initial idea had somehow involved requisitioning Nines’ Stormtrooper armor for Poe to hide in, but the smoking chest wound could potentially earn them a few confused stares.

The two had less than an hour before Finn and Nines were both expected back in the barracks. He turned to Poe, hoping he would have an idea. Despite his myriad of injuries, the pilot was flitting around the room, stretching his arms and legs out in ways he hadn’t been able to these past few weeks. They caught each other’s gaze and Poe smiled at him. Finn felt an idea creep into his mind and his heart sank at how terrible it was going to be for Poe.

“Hey, Poe? I have an idea. You’re not going to like it, and we don’t have to do it. But if we can’t come up with anything else and you agree to this, I’m sorry”

Poe was at his side in an instant, hands on Finn’s shoulders, encouraging the Stormtrooper to level with him. “Finn, buddy… _anything_. I owe you my life. Honestly, anything”

Finn’s eyes traced over the gashes and bruises of Poe’s face, and he hesitated a moment before pulling a pair of binders out of his utility belt. “Poe, I’m positive I’m unprepared for how handsome your face is without weeks of trauma on it, but right now, and I mean this in the most advantageous way possible… you look destroyed. Like… I hope they have doctors wherever we’re going, because _hell_ ”

“Gee Finn, you sure know to make a guy feel pretty” Poe teased.

“No, no, I mean... Sorry. What I’m saying is, the med center is pretty near the main hangar. We can march you there like we’re getting you treatment. And I feel terrible but we’ll have to put these binders on you once we leave. Kriff, Poe, if there was any other way, I swear…”

Poe waved off his concerns and presented both wrists. Looking up at Finn with his sensitive brown eyes, he tried to encourage him to be confident. “We’re getting out of here, right Finn?”

Finn nodded, gently attaching a cuff to each wrist. Poe tried not to wince from the pain and familiarity of it. Neither spared a glance towards Nines’ body as they turned to leave the room.

Stepping into the long corridor, Poe held his breath until he heard the door close behind him. “You know, if this is another elaborate Kylo Ren fake break-out I think I’m gonna be about done”

Finn had heard about that from Nines and had been sickened by it, but he admired Poe’s ability to joke, even in his current state. He grabbed the pilot’s upper arm and positioned his blaster to point at his chest. “Okay, stay calm, stay calm”

“I’m not calm _at all_ , buddy, sorry”

“Yeah, same”

Though he had only been aboard the Finalizer a few days, Finn had noticed their rotation schedules were similar to the ones sanitation had used on Starkiller base. This meant that any movements they were planning on making would be best to attempt now, at 19:00; shifts would be ending soon and people were generally less alert in their final hour of active duty. He wanted to tell Poe all of this to help him feel better, but it felt a little risky to try attempting conversation. Considering Poe’s slight limp, they were making great time. Finn felt a spark of hope grow within him, and he even entertained the idea that they’d get to a ship without incident.

That is, until they turned a corner and they found themselves face-to-face with Captain Phasma.

“FN-2187. Where do you think you’re going with that prisoner?”

Finn felt his knees go weak and he thought he was going to collapse into a traitorous puddle right there in front of her. Surprising himself, he responded confidently. “Ma’am, FN-2199’s techniques worked a little too well and the prisoner began hemorrhaging. We decided that he should be seen by medical technicians immediately, lest we ignore something important and he dies before Lord Ren is done with him”

Phasma stared down at him, her tone bordering on accusatory. “Why didn’t you comm for a medical droid?”

“FN-2199 spoke with Lord Ren and he advised we take him to the med center, ma’am”

“…And where is FN-2199 now?”

“He had bloodied his armor and wanted to exchange it before the end of the shift”

“…Is that so?”

“Yes ma’am”

This wasn’t going well, and Finn knew it. He held tight to Poe, whose eyes were staring at the ground vacantly, his entire body weak and slack within his grip. Finn would fight his way out of this if he had to. He subtly moved his finger near the safety of his blaster, prepared to drop the next Stormtrooper who stood in his way, even Phasma.

_You will let them continue as they were._

To his surprise and confusion, Phasma straightened up and away from Finn, saying calmly “ _I will let you continue as you were_ ”, before turning and walking the other direction.

Finn blinked.

He didn’t understand his window, but he took it, guiding the pilot out of the labyrinthine hallways and into the relatively open air of the main hangar. His eyes darted between ships, searching for one they could use. There were several cargo ships that looked sturdy, as he shied away from the idea of using a TIE fighter; they had a cable that needed to be released before takeoff, and he doubted he could get the Control Center to authorize that.

_Take a TIE. Don’t worry about the cable. It will be fine._

A voice was scratching at the inside of his head all of a sudden, and he found he couldn’t help but trust it.

Gently, he guided Poe to the queue of TIEs. Behind cover he unfastened his binders and helped him down into the pilot’s seat, taking his own place as the gunner.

Poe marveled at the ship, remarking softly to himself, “I’ve always wanted to fly one of these things”

With hardly any time at all to learn the controls, Poe had mastered the gist of it, guiding them out of the hangar. Finn was shocked when nothing stopped them. No cable, no guard, no Kylo Ren, no Phasma, _nothing_. They were in space, speeding away from the Finalizer. It didn’t feel real.

“Are we really doing this, Poe?” he shouted back at the pilot.

“Trying to, anyway” Poe’s voice was weaker than Finn had anticipated. The adrenaline was wearing off and Dameron was finally succumbing to the loss of so much blood.

“Poe, buddy, you okay up there?” He tried to turn to see his friend but the seats in the TIE were back-to-back, making contact nearly impossible. When he didn’t receive a response he reached his hand back behind him to jostle the pilot and to make sure he heard him. He grabbed one of Poe’s arms, which was swinging limply to the side.

“Poe! POE! I need you to wake up buddy, okay?!” he tried shaking him the best he could from such an awkward angle, and he felt Poe wake with a start.

Poe’s voice was soft. “Finn, I, uh… we might… need to land… uhh, sleep… I can’t…” He struggled to get the words out as he guided them to a nearby planet.

Apparently they were still just outside of Jakku.

“Fnnn there’s aaaa… eject. Pull… after… atm…” he trailed off, head lolling to the side.

“POE! Poe wake up! I can’t reach your eject Poe, I need you to wake up!” Finn watched the surface of the planet grow closer in his viewer. Poe had somehow guided them into a relatively safe landing trajectory, but Finn couldn’t stomach the thought of ejecting and leaving Poe to smash into the planet.

He tried shaking him awake once more before giving up on that to fasten the pilot’s safety harness the best he could. Finn locked his own in place just as the warning sirens went off.

He grabbed Poe’s hand and braced for impact.  


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “FN-2 – I mean, Finn. My name is Finn. He’s Poe”
> 
> “I’m Rey. Nice to meet you, Finn”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned this on the last chapter earlier today and then I added it to the first chapter for newbies, but I'm putting it up here juuuuust in case someone missed it:
> 
> I just found out that the actor who played Nines (FN-2199/TR-8R/Traitor!!!) in the movie is Chinese, so I apologize for making the character white in this fic. <3

It’s hot. Finn’s arms hurt and his head is spinning and his ears are ringing and _Mother of Kwath_ it’s _so hot_. Forcing his stinging eyes open slightly, Finn sees… smoke? He’s slowly being pulled backwards, arms feeling like they’re being wrenched free of their sockets, but it’s away from the heat, away from the smoke, away from the darkness. He has to shut his eyes again because he’s suddenly outside and the sun is unrelenting. The pain in his arms is gone for good, _he hopes_. Finn’s hands scramble for answers while his eyes adjust to the light, and when they reopen he finds himself clutching fistfuls of sand.

Jakku.

They’re back on Jakku. The memories of earlier come tumbling back into his brain, of the escape, of Phasma, of killing Nines because he wanted to… _Poe_!

Finn jolted up with a start, letting out a weak yelp as he frantically scanned the area around him for his pilot. Behind him is a girl, hands on her knees, and she’s doubled over trying to catch her breath. She’s standing between Finn and a body, the latter of which is being beeped at by a large orange and white ball-shaped droid.

_Oh god, Poe…_

He remembered the blood, and how Poe had blacked out after they cleared Finalizer.

Finn was too dizzy to stand but he could crawl, and he staggered over to where Poe was laying prone. His eyes were closed and Finn couldn’t tell if he had suffered any trauma from the crash; it was hard to tell which trauma was _new_ and which was hand-delivered by the First Order. He checked for a pulse, finding a faint one.

“Are you okay? Do you… do you need any more help, or…?” the girl asked, between breaths.

Finn had been so focused on the pilot’s wellbeing that he had barely registered her at all. Glancing up at her now, he noticed she was young, likely only a couple years younger than him. Her outfit was simple, practical. Her hair was tied back into three cute little buns. She had an accent that sounded similar to Hux’s. He found her face… nice. Pleasant. Comforting. 

“Wha –? How’d… we –?” Finn wanted to respond to her but the smoke had done his throat a grave disservice. He coughed at her weakly and hoped his eyes conveyed his multitude of questions. He was thankful that she seemed to gather his general meaning.

“Oh! I came back to my shelter for the night and saw smoke in the distance. Looks like you and your pilot friend crashed your fighter, likely recently. I pulled him from the wreckage first since the fire was nearly engulfing the front of it and BB-8 here seemed to recognize him” The droid beeped and nodded in affirmation. “Then I pulled you out! Which is lucky since I very nearly missed you back there. Are you a Stormtrooper?”

She didn’t look scared, which Finn appreciated. She had something wild about her eyes that made her seem keenly interested in him and Poe, and why they were there. Finn found himself taking comfort in maintaining eye contact with her. He was thankful when she reached out a hand to help him up off the desert sand.

He looked back at the wrecked TIE fighter, now smoldering and buckling under the heat, sending out loud creaks and groans like a mechanical death rattle. This girl had saved him _and_ the most important person in his life. He wanted to trust her, so he did.

“Yeah, I’m a Stormtrooper. Or, wait… I mean, I guess I _was_ a Stormtrooper. One of the leaders of the First Order was holding this Resistance pilot in his own personal torture dungeon, so I sprung him. He’s lost a lot of blood, and during our escape he passed out. He needs help. A lot of help. Is there somewhere nearby we can take him?”

The girl eyed him with rapt focus, hanging on his every word. “So he’s with the Resistance? I’ve never met a Resistance fighter before”

“Neither had I! But you’ll never get to _actually_ meet him unless we get him some help”

“Right! Sorry. Umm… hmmm. Oh! I have a speeder. It’s mostly a one-person vehicle but I could unhook the net and we could slowly drag him to my home. Does that work? Also, do you have a name?”

Finn was bowled over by this girl, an odd mix of sweetness and competence. A smile slipped past his worn demeanor, as she was the first good thing to happen to him and Poe since each other. “FN-2 – I mean, Finn. My name is Finn. He’s Poe”

“I’m Rey. Nice to meet you, Finn”

\---

The walk to Rey’s home, which to Finn’s amusement was actually a broken AT-AT, is agonizingly slow. The desert seems to stretch on for miles in every direction, and they can’t ride the speeder very fast for fear of Poe flying off the back. The sun was low in the sky by the time they finally got Poe inside, laying his unconscious body down on her makeshift bed, a surprisingly comfortable place to rest that had been cobbled together out of straightened cockpit seats. BB-8 nuzzled himself at Poe’s side, chirping softly. Finn found the droid sweet.

He hadn’t been many places during his Stormtrooper career and the concept of acceptable sentimentality was, frankly, new to him, but he couldn’t stop himself from admiring the tiny living area this girl has eked out in such a harsh wasteland. He ran his hand gently through Poe’s hair as he surveyed their lodging, the girl off scampering in and out, adjusting various sensors and shutters. There is a handmade X-Wing pilot doll slouching off one shelf, no doubt lovingly crafted from scavenged scraps of cloth. Next to it, a small vase of desert flowers which, honestly, Finn has no idea if they’re dead, or… they’re _supposed to_ look like that? One wall is a mass of scratched vertical lines, likely a crude time measurement system. Tools and scrap metal cover most all other walls and surfaces. The entire AT-AT walker structure was felled awkwardly on its side, but this desert savior appears to have leveled the interior.

She finally returns for good, and with extra blankets, each fashioned out of at least a dozen different types of cloth. She offers Finn a rag and two bowls of water, the smaller of which she suggests he use to clean himself and Poe with. As Finn washes what he can off of the pilot he notices some color has finally returned to his abused face, opting to let him rest until the next morning.  

After the longest day of his life, Finn was looking forward to laying down in relative safety next to Poe, and maybe the girl, leaving the worry about their next steps until tomorrow. Rey, however, had never experienced kind people falling out of the sky and then staying in her home, so she was eager to know all Finn had to offer.

She plopped down cross-legged in front of him, with one of the blankets wrapped over her shoulders. Her eyes and smile were wide with excitement but she was trying to whisper, for Poe. “Tell me!”

Finn couldn’t help but smile back, his fascination with her overriding the needs of his body, even as exhaustion pressed his eyelids nearly closed. “Heh. Tell you what?”

“Everything!”

\---

When FN-2199 and FN-2187 failed to report to the barracks after their shift, Phasma had ordered an investigation. Her first stop was, of course, the room they were both assigned to watch a prisoner, and there she found FN-2199’s body. It wasn’t long before leadership had pieced together the missing Stormtrooper with the missing TIE, with Phasma herself being reprimanded by General Hux for her role in allowing the rogue trooper to steal a valuable Resistance captive. Her apparent memory gaps were _not_ an acceptable excuse.

While Hux ran damage control, Kylo Ren snuck off to meet with Supreme Leader Snoke, who had summoned him to his throne room. He tried biting back his nervousness on his long walk there.

What did Snoke know?

Had he seen his interactions with the pilot?

Had he felt the struggle within Kylo, and the momentary shift to the Light?

_Had he seen Ben?_

Ren took a deep breath and entered Snoke’s chamber, steeling himself for their conversation. The Supreme Leader’s eyes were already upon him as the door opened, unnerving Ren and sending a small shiver down his spine. Snoke didn’t even wait for Ren to reach the room’s center platform before getting straight to the point.

“ _You’ve been busy, Ren_ ” His tone was layered with subtext under a veneer of calmness.

“Master?” Ren wanted to see what Snoke knew before giving himself away entirely.

“ _You know exactly what I’m talking about. The Resistance pilot_ ” Snoke’s words were purposeful, measured. He delivered each one with a slimy coating of disdain and superiority. “ _I watched you, Ren. I saw how he made you feel. I watched as he_ infected _you with his Light, and I saw you_ let him”

“Master, I –” Kylo tried to speak but his words had been wiped from him. He wasn’t choked, he was silenced.

Snoke continued, his voice deeper and louder than before. “ _I saw what you were reduced to. A mewling babe clinging to the last vestiges of mawkishness from a long-dead past._ YOU _. A Knight of Ren_ ”

Kylo lowered his head in penance, a wordless expression of regret that felt deeper and more genuine with every passing moment since the pilot had escaped.

There was a long pause from Snoke, and Kylo’s eyes edged up to see that the Supreme Leader had relaxed back into his chair.

“ _I had doubted you, Kylo Ren, up until the moment you decided to remove the pilot from the equation. Your orchestrations were quite impressive. While you were weak for being unable to accomplish your task, it showed strength to send him away until a point where you’ll be able to finish the job. The Darkness calls to you, child. Embrace it. You would be wise to not betray it again_ ” Snoke’s final sentence wormed its way inside the back of Ren’s mind, making itself a comfortable home to rest and wait and watch. “ _Dismissed_ ”

Returning to his room, Ren centered himself, closing his eyes and clenching and unclenching his fists. He could feel the rough waves of the Force rising up through his core as he allowed his body to find a harmony through it. With Poe gone, Ren had slowly sensed himself returning to who he was before he brought the pilot on board. He was stronger, more complete, less conflicted. He had been reborn with a new sense of conviction and drive.

Ben Solo and Poe Dameron were nuisances, but they would have to be dealt with at a later time. Perhaps once the First Order choked the life out of the Resistance he’d find that pilot, _take him_. He should have wrapped him in unbelievable agony and left him to suffer on a distant outpost.

Away.

That was the key.

Suffer at a distance.

Like Ben had.

He’d be prepared _next time_. Ben Solo would die, and Poe Dameron would follow.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan to get back to the Resistance.

There was a soft, warm light to greet him when he awoke, and for a moment Poe thought his body had finally given out and he was waking in the afterlife. He watched in stilled silence as tiny particles of dust floated listlessly through the rays of light that had managed to peek through the shutters above him. He didn’t know where he was or how he got there, but for the first time in weeks he was somewhat comfortable, so he didn’t fight against it.

Taking stock of his surroundings, he figured he was on some kind of broken down transport. Something very old, as he could still see the faded Empire symbol in various places around the room. The general atmosphere was very serene and hospitable, considering the reality of it. He wasn’t on the Finalizer, anyway, and that’s what mattered.

Poe was trying to lift himself up to a seated position when he saw Finn appear from around the corner. He was by Poe’s side in an instant, kneeling down to his level and wrapping him up in a hug strong enough to subdue a wampa. They were both beaming.

“Poe!”

“Finn, buddy!”

The two held each other in grateful silence, chins nestled into each other’s necks. They let the warm air dance around them in for one perfect, _free_ moment. The stresses of the past few weeks, the stresses _of their lifetimes_ , melted away in an instant. The war wasn’t over and they’d both likely lose more before it ended, but for now they had each other and it was _good_.

It was Poe who reluctantly pulled away first, bringing his hands up to Finn’s shoulders as he looked him deep in the eye, eager for the other man to see him, hear him.

“Finn, I… I don’t remember much of anything after Kylo Ren came back and…” he drifted off only slightly, trying and failing to recall specifics. “But… we’re here. Wherever ‘here’ is, sure. But… we escaped! Didn’t we, Finn?! _You_ did this! You helped me and, _stars_ , I am forever in your debt!”

Poe had always been a man who drank in victories to help drive him through the losses, but he felt like this victory could sustain him forever. As hard as it was to admit, he had resigned himself to die on the Finalizer; the likelihood of getting away from someone as powerful as Kylo Ren while locked up in the middle of a massive Star Destroyer… Poe knew the odds. And yet… here he was. Broken, but alive. Looking into the eyes of the man who had saved him. Poe couldn’t recall how long he had known Finn – and to be honest, he wondered how much of his memory was missing – but Poe knew he’d lay down his life for this man. Something inside of himself assured him Finn was good, and he held onto Finn’s goodness for dear life.

“Poe, I’m so glad you’re finally awake! I’ll absolutely explain everything to you later, but the short version is that we stole a TIE fighter and you passed out right before we crashed here, on Jakku –”

“We crashed?! _I_ crashed us?! Finn, I’m so sorry. _Kriffing hell_ , are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine! Honestly! There’s a girl, Rey. She rescued us from the crash. This is her place, actually. She went out to get water or something, said she’d be right back. She’s great, Poe. You’ll love her, and – OH! I almost forgot…” Finn got up and ran to the entrance of the shelter, cupping his hands around his mouth to yell out into the desert. “HE’S AWAAAKE!”

Poe was only momentarily confused, realization dawning as the familiar frantic beeping grew nearer. Before he knew it his droid was barreling into him at what felt like full force, berating him for stranding him in the desert alone, leading him to think he was gone forever, and how dare he make _his own droid_ sick with worry.

The two swapped stories for a few minutes while Finn looked on. Though he didn’t understand a single word of Binary, Finn could tell that the droid cared deeply for its pilot. Something about Poe seemed to bring the best out of people, and to endear him to them. If there was a Light side of the Force, Finn figured _this_ had to be it.

Poe gestured towards Finn, coaxing him in to the conversation with BB-8 and translating for him. The pilot and his hero lay back down on the makeshift bed, allowing the droid to softly roll back and forth between them as they talked. Finn tried to catch Poe up on the time he had lost during their escape, regaling him with details when Rey finally made it back home.

“You’re awake! My name is Rey, nice to meet you!” She and Poe exchanged pleasantries while she unloaded several tiny packets of rations from her bag. “Unfortunately, Unkar Plutt, _the menace_ , changed his exchange rate for converters. I wasn’t able to get much food back, but I had a few extra portions hidden. I figured we could dip into those for the time being. Hungry?”

After their meal the three of them laid out a plan to get Poe back to the Resistance. He tried to play off his injuries like he could tough it out, but both Rey and Finn could tell he needed actual medical attention, soon. Though Rey had been initially reluctant to leave the only planet she’d ever known, she truly hated Jakku and she figured anything would be better than life alone on a massive sand planet. Finn and Poe seemed like an adventure, and she wanted to go with them.

But first, they needed a ship.

“Suppose we’re able to find a ship somewhere on this terrible planet. Poe… do you think you’ll be able to pilot anything in your condition?” Finn asked in a concerned tone.

Poe smiled back at him weakly. “Buddy, I don’t even know everything that’s wrong with me. I could try to talk one of you through the process, depending on which class of ship we’re able to hijack…?”

Rey spoke up, puffing out her chest proudly. “I’m a pilot – I can fly!” Both men turned to look at her, mildly shocked. “Unkar Plutt has an old Corellian YT-1300 light freighter I’ve done some work on. I’m ace with machines in general, and I’m very familiar with ships”

“A Corellian freighter? General Organa’s husband had a ship like that. It could be our best bet, as at least two of us could absolutely pilot it out of here”, Poe replied.

Finn nodded at Poe, then turned to face Rey.

“When’s the soonest we can leave? We need an actual doctor to fix a lot of what the First Order did to Poe. I hate to rush us, but –”

“Tonight! We can leave tonight”, Rey interjected. “You and I can steal the ship and then come back to pick up Poe and BB-8. Does that work?”

Poe looked like he was about to cry, with only his smile breaking the illusion. “…You’re both amazing, you know that?”

Finn smiled back at him. “Tonight it is”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe waits behind while Finn and Rey steal the Falcon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _swear_ I don't hate Poe. Honest.  <3

Finn and Rey had headed towards Niima Outpost after the sun had gone down. Poe didn’t know the geography of Jakku very well, but Rey assured him they’d only be away a few hours. Meanwhile, BB-8 kept a silent vigil outside the ruined AT-AT of Rey’s home. Poe couldn’t defend himself so BB-8 would need to alert him in the event of danger.

As much as he needed to heal, and as hard as it was for him to move around on his own, Poe felt helpless and useless in his current state. He had never let injury take him out of a fight or mission before, and it was against his nature to let others take risks while he stayed behind. The worst part about it all was that he didn’t even know _what_ was wrong with him. 

After they left he finally had a chance to sit with his own body, to examine himself and figure out what had been done to him. He ran his hands along his skin, finding new bruises or still-healing cuts and gashes. Some of the injuries he remembered – his wrists, the bruising on his sides – other areas, though… how had he hurt his collarbone? It caught slightly if he moved the wrong way, and Poe thought for sure he’d remember the circumstances. All he could recall were times from before, then _nothing_ , followed by the feeling of the bone shooting hot sparks of pain down his arms as he raised them above his head during his failed escape.

The injuries he didn’t remember made him uneasy, but the large gaps in his memory terrified him. What had Kylo Ren done? Had his mind been wiped? Why would Kylo Ren torment him and then make him forget what had happened? Every time he tried to dredge deeper into his own flawed recollection, Poe was met with a searing jolt of pain behind his eyes that left him staggering for breath.

Defeated and alone once again, albeit temporarily, Poe decided to let it go until he could get some help from the medical professionals they had back on the Resistance base. He knew that General Organa was Force-sensitive, and that she cared for him a great deal – perhaps she’d be willing to help him clean up his mind once things had calmed down.

Poe allowed himself to lay back down on the makeshift bed, trying not to work himself up now that they were so close to getting home. He was lost in thought when he heard BB-8 frantically beeping outside.

Ignoring the pain, he shot to his feet, racing outside to find his droid.

He was met almost immediately with a blaster pointed at his face.

A group of scavengers, all different types of alien as far as he could tell through the darkness, had surrounded the entrance of the AT-AT. One had BB-8 tangled in a net, and was poking at the droid with a crude staff.

Incensed, he took a step towards BB-8. “HEY! Get off him! Let him go!”

The scavenger with the blaster pointed at him hit him in the head with the butt of it, a non-immobilizing blow to remind the pilot of his situation. Poe turned to the scavenger with his hands slightly raised and his face scowled.

“…What?!” Poe barked back. “What the kriff do you want?! Let him go or _I swear_ I’ll –”

“Or you’ll what?” the scavenger purred back. Poe was well-traveled but he couldn’t guess as to the origin of the accent. “You look rrrrough. And this drrroid looks like one the Firrrst Orrrder wants. If drrrroid is yourrrrs… does the Firrrst Orrrder want you too?”

In a normal situation, the Resistance’s best pilot probably could’ve talked himself and BB-8 out of their grimy, clawed hands. With his senses dulled and brain torn through, Poe couldn’t even formulate a response before he felt a net go over him and force him to the ground. Three of the other scavengers had worked their way behind him, pouncing with a quick look from the scavenger holding the blaster.

The scavengers wasted no time tying a thick rope around Poe as he struggled to free himself of the bindings. He finally stopped fighting back when the main scavenger held Poe’s chest down with his booted foot, forcing a pained yelp from his throat.

“Firrrst Orrrder will be verrry pleased with this. Will pay high prrrrice for you and this drrrroid”

Poe was immobilized and desperate, hoping that Finn and Rey would get there soon to save him…. _Again_. Out of breath, he tried pleading with the scavengers. “Please, listen… you won’t get anything for us, trust me. The First Order doesn’t need to pay you when they can just kill you. If you let us go we can get you payment from the Resistance, an–”

He was cut off by the sound of raucous laughter on all sides of him. A few of the other scavengers had crowded close to look down at the pilot.

“Foolish bounty. We brrring the Firrrst Orrrder what we scavenge when they ask. They always pay. You arrrre out of luck today”

Poe wanted to respond, wanted to keep trying to stall them so Rey and Finn could stop this, but someone had tied his legs to their vehicle and he was pulled forward on his back, the sand dusting up and getting in his eyes. From a bit to his right he could hear BB-8 shouting concerned questions at him, and expletives at the scavengers. Every once in a while they’d laugh, clearly knowledgeable in Binary.

He wasn’t sure how long they had driven in the desert for, but it was still the dead of night and there were no landmarks in any direction besides the hollowed out Star Destroyer he was being dragged into. One larger scavenger threw him over his shoulder and started carrying him once they reached the interior of their base, and Poe felt his back ache with fresh pain from old wounds. BB-8 was being carried by another scavenger towards the same place, and the droid chirped soft concern at Poe.

He croaked out through torn lips, “Yeah buddy, we’re gonna be alright”, to which the larger scavenger jabbed him in the ribs.

The two were placed in separate small cages in a room far from where the other scavengers had settled, and the large scavenger grunted at Poe before locking him in. He was still knotted up in the net and felt completely helpless, hoping that even if Finn and Rey saw he had been taken that they’d get themselves somewhere safe with the ship.

Poe didn’t want to think about how close he had gotten to going home, after everything he had been through. For a moment there, he had Finn, and then Rey. At least now Finn and Rey had each other.

He couldn’t stand to think about it. He just wanted it to end.

Poe curled himself into a ball and cried.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. Been on vacation this week. Had to write this on my Surface, which took forever. Updates should be more consistent (and better) come Monday. <3

It took the ground literally shaking underneath him to convince Poe the sounds he was hearing beyond the door weren’t standard scavenger rabble. His hosts had spent the rest of the evening in drunken revelry, but he could tell when the singing turned to shouting. The room he and BB-8 were kept in wasn’t very deep within the downed Star Destroyer, but it was still closed off behind where their captors stayed. Through the netting and thick rope, Poe tried to scoot closer to the sound, craning his neck towards the only door in the darkened room. There was another low rumble followed by the entire structure shuddering around them.

BB-8 chirped at Poe inquisitively, adding something about the stability of old Empire durasteel structures in prolonged heat. Poe shushed him, hoping the entire craft wasn’t planning on buckling down upon them. Hell of a death, albeit an unromantic one.

Beyond the door was a silence, followed by another loud boom which knocked loose sand and debris from above their cages, nearly burying them.

“BB-8 you alright over there?!”

The droid beeped back a confirmation, followed by a few choice words about sand.

Poe chuckled to himself, “I hate sand too, buddy”

Both turned to face the door as it opened to reveal the large scavenger from earlier. He looked shaken. Wordlessly, he unlatched both Poe and BB-8’s cages and freed each of them from their bonds. BB-8 angrily rolled up to the scavenger and gave him a direct zap in his leg. The scavenger didn’t react, instead motioning for the two of them to follow him out the door.

“Like hell”, Poe protested.

Ignoring him, the scavenger grabbed Poe by the arm and dragged him through the door. Waiting on the other side for them was Unkar’s light freighter, parked just inside of the entrance to the Star Destroyer. Finn was positioned at the bottom of the ramp, blaster focused on the huddling group of scavengers that had been directed into a corner. There were smoldering impact craters in various areas of the room, and a concentrated set corralling them back away from the ship.

“Be careful with him, you nerf herder!” Finn shouted at the scavenger leading Poe towards him. “Poe, are you okay?!”

Poe had never been a religious man, but he was nearing 100% certainty that Finn was some kind of guardian angel. He nodded back to Finn, briefly resting a hand on his shoulder in gratitude as he limped up the ramp into safety. BB-8 followed close behind.

“Rey, we got him!” Finn yelled into the ship.

Poe could feel the engines starting up and he hoped she was as good of a pilot as she claimed to be. They were clear of Jakku’s atmosphere in under a minute. Finn made to help Poe find a place to lay down but was halted by the pilot wrapping his arms around him, enveloping him in a hug that placed second only to Poe’s hug from yesterday. The First Order was tight with affection, but Finn knew that this was something he could get used to, though hopefully not under these circumstances.

“Awwwww. You two are cute” Rey had come down from cockpit to check on the them but had settled for gawking at how endearing they continued to be.

Poe finally pulled back, wiping the tears under his eyes away with the sleeve of his shirt. His face was serious, sincere. “Finn, Rey… guys, I… _thank you_. Honestly. Again and again, thank you. I’ve… I’ve resigned myself to my own death more than once this past week, but every time I think all hope is lost… there you are. Thank you. I owe you both my life. I just… thank you”

Finn pulled Poe back in for another hug before leading him to a bunk against the wall. Rey walked up to him and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“How did you… did we…?”

Finn had taken Poe’s hand in both of his, turning to look at Rey to answer.

“Stealing the freighter was the easy part. We came back to get you and BB-8 but you were gone. The ones who took you – _the savage lot_ – I’ve dealt with them before. One of them rides a Luggabeast that leave clear markings in the sand. It wasn’t hard to follow where you’d been taken. Once we found you I just… threatened them really hard until they released you”

Poe couldn’t help the look of confusion that crossed his face. “You… _what_?”

“Poe, I know it sounds weird but she… I don’t know! She convinced them somehow. Well, we shot at them too. But she just told them to let you go and then they let you go”

Rey’s expression perked up. “Then I told them to eat sand until we were off planet – and they _did_! Can you even believe it?”

“Heh. I can, actually. You’re probably Force-sensitive” Poe tried to bury the anxiety that welled up within him at the idea of another Force user, the events of the past few weeks still fresh in his abused mind. Still, this girl had only been helpful so far, and Poe firmly believed that everyone was inherently good inside. “We have a few Force-sensitives back on base. I’ll make sure you meet them, Rey”

“Where is the base, exactly? We’re currently drifting, though I made sure to clear the Star Destroyer before coming down here”

Poe coughed and closed his eyes while Finn gently rubbed his hand. “Ileenium System. D’Qar. Please don’t be First Order” Finn smiled down at him.

“Got it. I’ll go set the coordinates. Get some rest, Poe” Rey gave him another light kiss on the forehead before returning to the cockpit.

They were finally heading back to the Resistance. Poe let the relief of it wash over him as he fell asleep with Finn holding his hand.

\---

He was woken up not long after by Rey’s small, rough hands gently patting the side of his face.

“Poe… I think we’re here. I need the security codes. They won’t let us land without them”

The pilot sat up in confusion, his eyes catching on Finn, who had fallen asleep leaning over on him. He smiled to himself before answering Rey.

“Victor-Sierra-1-6-Oscar-5. At least, that’s what my security code was three weeks ago. Try it. Tell them you’re bringing back Commander Poe Dameron. Tell them I said to ask for General Organa”

Rey nodded and returned to the cockpit, yelling back down to them that the codes worked and that they were cleared to dock.

Finn woke up and helped Poe to his feet, lacing his fingers with the pilot’s and wrapping his other arm around his back to steady him. Poe was still weak, but Finn could tell he was deliberately leaning on him a bit more than he needed to. Finn turned to smile at him, squeezing his hand in excitement.

“I can’t believe this is really happening, Finn. Just let me, uh… let me explain you both to them” Poe offered. Finn nodded in response.

Rey guided them into a gentle landing then joined Poe and Finn at the top of the ramp as it opened to the Resistance tarmac. Poe took a deep breath and stepped forward.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The General and her Pilot.

Leia awoke to the familiar red light and shrill beep of her personal Urgent Incident Communicator, located across the room from her bed. She had once again forgotten to bring it to her bedside table with her before she called it a night. Why did the emergency calls always come in on nights when she leaves it by the door? And why did they always come in within hours of her trying to catch up on what little sleep she afforded herself?

Sighing, she crawled begrudgingly out of bed and walked over to her UIC, turning the volume on.

“This is General Organa. Go ahead” She hoped they hadn’t heard her yawning.

Snap was on the other side of the line, his words buried beneath layers of elation. “General Organa this is Poe! I mean – Poe! No, I mean this is Snap! _I mean – Poe is back_! General, Poe is here – he’s back!”

Leia didn’t want to assume she heard him correctly, that the news was too good to be true or that her freshly-roused state had clouded the message with the news she had been hoping for. “Captain Wexley… come back?”

From the other side of the line she could hear Snap take a deep breath to slow himself down.

“Commander Dameron just arrived on the tarmac with two unknowns! They showed up in the kriffing _Millennium Falcon_. We’ve taken him to medbay!”

For the first time in a very long time, Leia was stunned speechless. Snap did what he did best – filled the silence.

“…See you in the medbay, General?”

“…Yes! Yes, I’ll be there in ten!” There was no need for firm, stoic protocol here. Snap knew how Leia felt about her Commander.

\---

Nine minutes later, Leia hovered in the doorway of the medbay anxiously awaiting Dr. Kalonia’s briefing. She caught herself nervously dancing from one foot to the other, not unlike Poe Dameron would do during conversations after particularly intense and exciting missions. She made her best effort to not intrude, to not peek around curtains and invade the privacy of the patients waiting here with her missing Commander. Once she realized the medbay was absent of any other patients she charged ahead, pulling the privacy curtain away to meet the doctor’s unamused but resigned glare.

Poe was seated on the medical bed, facing away from her, but he turned over his shoulder to look back at her in comforted surprise.

From what she could see through and around his medical gown, he was covered in bruises and lacerations, the worst being concentrated… everywhere.

The General had seen and lost so much over the years in her fight against the empires that chose to oppose the general harmony of the universe, but she still had pangs of regret when she sent her good people off into danger, or worse. When it came to Poe Dameron, a boy who she had raised as her own when his parents died and her son… _left_ … she wanted to reach out with the Force to take away the pain of every cut, every bruise, every burn and broken bone.

She was jolted out of her stupor by Dr. Kalonia repeating her name, her eyes passing over Poe’s weak but knowing half-smile on their way to the doctor.

“General Organa? I was finishing up on my assessment. Did you want some time alone with Poe once I’m done?”

Leia covered her mouth with one hand and nodded yes, placing the other hand on Poe’s shoulder before excusing her intrusion. Snap had mentioned something about two unknowns; Leia figured she should follow up on that now that she’d seen Poe. The pilot probably needed rest anyway, she just hoped he could tell how happy she was to see him.

Snap was waiting just inside the door as Leia rounded out of the privacy curtain, greeting her with a “ma’am” and a nod. She followed him down the hall to the holding area where the two unknowns were being interviewed.

She saw a young man and a young woman, bright-eyed and dirty, both seated on one side of the long table in the center of the room. They had been chatting with each other when Leia and Snap entered. Neither looked worried about the situation, and they actually seemed interested in talking with the General. She smiled at this, thinking it was likely Poe who had put them at ease about the Resistance. The two unknowns stood in respect as she and Captain Wexley moved to take a seat, the girl reaching out her hand in greeting. Both Leia and the Captain accepted the gesture.

“I’m Rey! Thank you for taking care of Poe and for being so welcoming!”

Leia could tell from her clothing that she had likely spent a lot of time on Jakku. She had a harder time getting a bead on the man beside her.

“Nice to meet you, Rey. My name is General Organa and this is Captain Wexley. We appreciate that you brought Commander Dameron back to us, and we just wanted to ask you a few questions before we get you set up in your own accommodations here on base. Is that okay? Rey, you said? Am I pronouncing that correctly?”

Rey smiled and nodded as Leia turned her attention to the man, who introduced himself as “Finn”.

“…Ma’am?” he continued, “You should know that Po– _Commander Dameron_ was the one who gave me that name. I was a Stormtrooper. I met him on board the Finalizer Star Destroyer”

Both the General and Captain perked up at his admission – no one in the galaxy had ever heard of a ‘former Stormtrooper’ before. It just _didn’t happen_ and wasn’t something anyone thought possible.

Snap responded before Leia had the chance to. “You were a Stormtrooper? How did you – ? When did you and – ? And Poe… did you help him escape? _Why_? I mean, _stars_ , we’re grateful, of course. This is just… _completely unprecedented in the entire history of the First Order_ ”

“Believe me, I know” he responded with a half-smirk. “I never fit in there, but Poe… your Commander made me feel like maybe there was somewhere else I’d fit in. So we escaped”

Leia rested a hand on Finn’s, looking up at him with pleading, soft eyes. “Please, son. Tell me everything”

\---

Poe was resting comfortably when Leia finally returned. He thanked the Force for the copious amounts of painkillers at their disposal. For the first time in weeks his pains weren’t occupying space within his mind, and he was drifting peacefully. If he hadn’t known General Organa was planning on coming back to speak with him he would’ve been long asleep.

This time, she gently pulled back the curtain so as not to startle him. As she took a seat on his bed next to him he could see a new sorrow in her eyes, a redness surrounding them that hadn’t been there earlier. Still, she moved to kiss him on the forehead in greeting.

“Oh, Poe. Have you any idea how grateful I am to see you again?”

“I’m so grateful to be home, General. I’d be dead by now if it wasn’t for the two who I came with. Did you have a chance to meet them yet?”

“Just left speaking with them, yes. The former Stormtrooper, Finn, he told me everything that’s happened. I’m so sorry, Poe. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I could strangle my brother for putting you in this position for a damned map he couldn’t bother leaving with us. Kriffing _Force_ ” Her eyes remained fixed on his as he saw a tear slip down her cheek.

“Well… at least we have it, right?” He tried laughing to lighten the mood, but the General could only faintly smile back at him. She took one of his hands in her own, tracing her thumbs over the top of it in worry.

“Poe, I have to confess something. I regret it – regret if I violated your trust – but… I had to know. And I’m sorry”

Without missing a beat, Poe asked if it had something to do with Finn and Rey, if they were alright. Leia chuckled at the man, always more concerned about everyone else’s well-being over his own. Sweet, selfless Poe.

“Finn and Rey are fine, son” Her voice was gentle, almost soothing. “They’re being set up in their own bunks now. They both seem very nice. No, what I wanted to apologize for… I reached out, Poe. Before coming in here I reached out to you. With the Force. To see if it was really true, the things they told me. Poe, there are… there are things _missing_. I thought maybe it had to do with the trauma you’ve endured but I couldn’t say for sure. I believe Kylo Ren went through your memories and removed information. Maybe you saw or heard something you shouldn’t have, I don’t know. We may never know. I just… I’m sorry for what he did and I’m sorry for going through your mind without your permission”

Her tears were flowing down her face in waves now, though she tried to remain unaffected. Poe tried to bite back his own at her admission, but more at her vulnerability with him.

“General Organa, I… it’s fine. I understand why you felt you had to” he replied, his voice cracking. “I was actually going to ask you for help with that whole thing. Maybe a while later. Maybe… maybe after some other stuff has healed first?”

“Of course, son. Anything you need, you let me know. You’ll be better and back in those skies in no time, you hear me? I’ve been out one ace pilot for too long, dammit!”

Poe nodded up at her, of course; there was nothing she could ever do to keep that man out of an X-wing cockpit. They exchanged a few more pleasantries and a long hug before she excused herself to allow him some much-needed rest, her own sleep seeming inconsequential and petty compared to the exhaustion he had earned.

Back in the seclusion of her own quarters, Leia finally let out the lungful of breath she had been holding in since visiting Poe’s pain. Her heart beat rapidly as her entire body ached with the knowledge of what she had heard and seen. Leia knew what was missing. She knew it had been her son, and she knew what her son had ripped out of Poe. Dr. Kalona’s medical charts hinted at what the Force had confirmed – that Kylo’s reasons were savage, _personal_. That something happened before he was done, and now Poe was back.

Leia had _always_ known about Poe’s light.

 _It was Ben_ , she thought.

Perhaps Poe brought him back, even briefly, before Kylo resumed control.

She tried to slow her breathing, center herself back into a calm state. Leia knew she could never tell Poe that Ben had become Kylo Ren. If he knew, he didn’t anymore, and that’s what mattered. After what he had just gone through, the truth would harm him irreparably.

So she buried it. Buried the knowledge of what her son had done, kept it safe from Poe. Resolved to never let it out. Poe was back, and with a former Stormtrooper and a girl who Leia could tell was at least slightly Force-sensitive. D’Qar would keep spinning. The Resistance would bring justice to the First Order, and then it wouldn’t matter.  

Leia looked up at the ceiling above her bed, cursing the First Order and the Dark side and the Jedi and her son all at once. The cost of war was always too high. She wondered if she’d ever reach a point where she could no longer pay it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be at least one more chapter after this one. <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drinks.

Outside on the tarmac there was a small huddled mass of new recruits surrounding Commander Poe Dameron. He was slightly taller than the rest of them, perhaps he found a box or something to stand on, and his head and shoulders were visible from where Finn was seated on a small grassy hill a few dozen meters away.

Finn watched the recruits as they stared up at their new Commander, rapt in attention, hanging off every word as if they were hearing music for the very first time. He was familiar with Poe’s brand of charm and charisma, and the easy way he had about him that made conversation nearly effortless, though he was still impressed seeing him in this environment. He seemed like a really good leader. Finn had an overwhelming gratitude for the pilot that he hoped to express to him someday. It threatened to spill out of him at the worst times, but he was getting better at relaxing and letting the world happen around him for once.

Relaxing back onto the grass, Finn splayed his arms out and let out a long breath. He felt secure here on D’Qar, with the Resistance. It amused him to think about how much safer he felt considering how scrappy the organization was; this base specifically had been built in a hurry, haphazardly cobbled together with what they had been able to salvage from their last installation. There were vines growing over the walls of the underground Command Center and even the room he had been given smelled like fresh soil. The recycled air and walls of durasteel of First Order ships made him feel small and vulnerable. The Resistance made him feel protected. He could thrive here. He could grow into something amazing, just like the glowing Yffri flowers that had taken root outside his window.

Finn had been on the Resistance base for almost a month and hadn’t seen much of the pilot he had escaped the First Order with. To be fair, this operation was much larger than he had anticipated; he figured there were probably hundreds of rebels here and most of the time there were ships taking off or landing, pilots and personnel running from one task to another. It was a pretty well-oiled machine, considering how low-profile they had to stay.

As the Resistance’s star pilot, he knew Poe had to be incredibly busy now that he was back in command. Finn tried not to let it bother him, to not think that Poe no longer had a need for him, but sometimes he couldn’t help himself. Back in Phasma’s squadron he had a specific purpose and he knew that the day he couldn’t fulfill that purpose was the day his usefulness to the First Order was over. _The Resistance is different_ , he’d tell himself. If they – if Poe – hadn’t gotten rid of him yet, he must still be useful.

So, until they called him up for something specific, Finn would be around. Always nearby if Poe needed him again.

Finn was lost in thoughts of his place in the galaxy when he caught Poe waving at him out of the corner of his eye. He turned his attention towards the Commander and his group, all of whom were now looking back at him with shocked expressions. Poe smiled brightly then pointed back at Finn, saying something to his group that Finn couldn’t hear. He waved and smiled back at them, resolving to follow up with Poe on specifics later.

He lay back down and watched the clouds sweep across the sky for another hour before Poe’s smiling face appeared above him.

“Hey Finn!”

Poe helped him to his feet and then wrapped him up in a quick hug.

“Hey Poe. Nice group of new recruits you’ve got there. How’re they looking?”

“Ha! They’re a bit green, but we’ll get ‘em there. Hey,” Poe continued, “if you’re not busy tonight would you mind meeting me at the cantina in 3-A? I finally have a night without rotation and I wanted to talk with you. Can you make it? Say around 22:00?”

Finn still wasn’t used to Poe’s energy now that his body was healed and he was overall back to full health. The pilot’s excitement was contagious and Finn loved it.

“I… sure! 22:00? Should I bring, or wear anything specific, or –”

“Nope! Just want to get some drinks with you. Something with a lot of alcohol. See you tonight?”

Finn smiled back at him with a big, toothy grin. “Absolutely!”

Poe slapped him on the shoulder and then hurried off to join his new recruits for laps around the base while Finn spent the rest of the morning watching the clouds roll by.

\---

Finn didn’t have too many clothes of his own yet, but he had one shirt that he was told by Poe that looked “very nice” on him so he made sure it was clean for that night. He left early, with thoughts about what Poe could possibly want to talk to him about filling his head on the walk to the cantina. The life of a Stormtrooper was one of constant stress and rarely any good news, so Finn was worried.

_Was something wrong? Had Poe noticed how much Finn had been hanging around? Did he want him to back off?_

His nerves calmed the minute he walked into the dimly lit cantina and saw Poe sitting at a booth in the back. Finn watched him for a beat, amused that he had left early and Poe had still gotten here before him. The pilot was clearly nervous about something, fidgeting in his seat and stuffing his hands in his lap whenever he wasn’t sipping his drink.

When he finally caught on that Finn had arrived he stood to greet him, the nervousness on his face smoothing out into an enthusiastic smile.

“Finn!” he shouted, “You made it! Thanks for coming! I got you a drink. Same as mine. If you don’t like it I can order you something else, though”

“No, no. That’s fine, Poe. Thanks” The drink was blue, but Finn trusted Poe’s judgement when it came to… well, everything. “So, uh… you wanted to see me? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, buddy, of course, of course! Everything is _great_. I just haven’t seen you much since we got to D’Qar and there are some things I need to get off my chest”

Finn couldn’t help but tense up at Poe’s word choice, hoping his friend wasn’t trying to find a nice way to say goodbye. He looked down at his drink, trying to avoid the way the warm glow of the candle at the edge of the table somehow made Poe appear even more handsome than usual. He reached for his drink out of nervousness, taking a sip and immediately retching. He tried to keep it down as a courtesy, even as his eyes watered and his throat burned from it.

Poe looked at him with pride. “I know, right?! It’s an acquired taste but it does the job”

Finn shot him a thumbs up as he coughed through it.

“Oh! Almost forgot. Wanted to give you this” Poe reached down and grabbed something from next to his seat. He passed it across the table to Finn, eyeing him anxiously. “Go ahead, whenever you’re good”

Poe had handed him a large bundle of… something. It was uneven but soft, wrapped in a single piece of dark green cloth that was held together with a thin twine.

“I… I didn’t get you anything for… whatever this is” he responded, already slightly buzzed from the blue drink.

“Buddy, it’s not – just open it, okay?”

Finn took another sip and then pulled at the twine. Inside was something that looked like leather, brown and red, well-loved. He pulled it open and held it up between them. It was a jacket.

Poe leaned forward and spoke up as Finn studied it. “Okay, so… it may not look like much, but… this jacket means a lot to me. A whole hell of a lot. It… it was my mom’s. She was a Rebel Alliance pilot, one of the best. She died when I was young and I’ve been wearing her jacket ever since. In fact, if you wear that in front of Snap and I’m not with you he’s gonna think you killed me and looted my body or something. It’s incredibly important to me, Finn, and I want you to have it. I don’t know how else I can show you how grateful I am for what you did for me”

Stunned to his core, Finn looked at Poe like the rest of the world didn’t exist.

“Poe, I… I couldn’t. Your _mom’s_ jacket? I couldn’t. I don’t deserve this”

“Finn, you saw me in that place. I had been there for weeks. It was torture. _Literal_ torture. Do you know how many broken bones I came back with? I had injuries I don’t even remember getting, Finn. Pieces of my memories are missing, too. Gone. Taken from me. Having your mind violated like that, over and over, it just… I wanted to give up. I wanted that evil kriffing monster to just kill me and get it over with. I had accepted that I was going to die, Finn, and then you… You showed up out of nowhere. And we started talking, and… I wanted to _live_ again. Not only that, but you saved my life. _Twice_! You’re a hero, Finn. Everyone in the Resistance knows it. It’s what I was telling the newbies on the tarmac earlier today”

“You… you were telling them about me?”

“ _Stars yes_ , Finn. I said to them, ‘That guy over there? Name’s Finn. He’s a _big deal_ in the Resistance. He’s a former Stormtrooper who saved my ass from the heart of a Star Destroyer. From the clutches of a Knight of Ren. If we want to make this galaxy a better place it starts with good people like him. So if you see him around, be sure to show him some damn respect, ya hear?’ They already love you, Finn. Everyone here does”

Poe reached across the table and took Finn’s hands in his.

“Finn, I need you to understand how grateful I am. I don’t know if anyone told you this, but Kylo Ren killed my best friend when we were younger. Ben Solo, General Organa’s son. Kylo Ren killed him while he was training to become a Jedi. It… hurts to think about Ben sometimes”

Finn watched as Poe’s expression fell, his eyes screwing closed slightly at the pain of it.

“…But listen! I thought he was going to kill me, too. And he didn’t get to, because of you. I’ve been talking to Chewbacca and he told me I owe you a Life Debt now. The jacket is just a bonus”

Finn squeezed his hands back, trying to ignore the way his own face felt flush when Poe spoke to him so passionately.

“Basically, I want to spend more time with you Finn. Want to get to know you better. Is that… does that sound okay?”

Poe watched as Finn stood, throwing on the jacket and eyeing himself in it before sitting back down.

“That sounds perfect, Poe” He took a deep breath before cautiously going for it. “…If I had it my way I’d spend all my time with you”

Poe was beaming. “I’m gonna speak with General Organa, see if we can’t find you a place with the pilots. Or at least by my side instructing the new recruits. And then, _of course_ , so many more nights back here. I can tell already that you’re very fond of that drink”

They shared a moment of silence before Poe reached down for something at his side again, pulling up a large, light pink soft pastry covered with a white powder.

“You may not remember, but I was telling you about these back up on the Star Destroye–”

Finn’s eyes widened. “ _Poe is this a puffcake_?!”

“You _do_ remember!” Poe laughed, pushing the plate towards Finn and offering him a fork.

Finn cut off a small piece and chewed it, his expression almost immediately melting into blissful satisfaction.

“Stars, Poe. You weren’t kidding. This is literally the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Thank you so much” He took another bite, bigger this time. “What other great stuff do you guys have here?”

Poe smiled. “I’d love to show you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read this. I really appreciated all your kudos and feedback! 
> 
> <3


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